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I need advice adult content

I went through a wild time in my life. I had several one nightstands (I was trying to convenience myself I was worthy of some one to love me) during one of these fling I got preagnant (yes Iused Condoms) How do I explain to my teenage daughter I do not have any clue who her dad is. I have remarried and my husband has been in her life since she was a year and a half. she knows he is not her dad and I do not want her hating me for my mistakes. I punish myself daily for being so stupid. I did get my wonderful daughter out of the crazyness.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Sep. 1, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (15)
  • Honestly isn't always the easiest road to walk, but it's always the best one to choose! I would simply Tell her the truth and answer her questions as they come. Will it cause some issues? I'm sure. But lets face it, even if you did know who her father was, if he hasn't been there for her by now, there would be issues.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:43 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Why do you feel its important for her to know this info? She already knows her dad is not in her life and has not ever been, Your hubby is the one that has raised her. I would only do it if she comes asking for info about him, if she wants to look him up someday. You need to get past this, this isnt her cross to bear so why put it on her now? Teenage years are tough enough on kids, why add more drama to it that wont change a thing anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I would only tell her if she starts asking. Be open and honest but I wouldn't volunteer the info. She may have figured some of this out or maybe doesn't want to know.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 10:51 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • she has asked about him a few times and I just told her he was out of my life before he knew she was going to be born. It just is a stab in my heart knowing how i messed up just toproof to myself I could be worth love. I do nt want to cause her anymore grieve. she isa good daughter and has her head on straight has plans fr te future and I am so proud of her as is my hubby I just do not want to hurt her.
    nanny29

    Answer by nanny29 at 10:58 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • This is a good learning lesson for her. You learned that sex does not equal love or even getting someone to care for you.

    Just be honest with her. Maybe she won't make the same mistake that you did and realize that there can be love that leads to sex rather than the other way around.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:00 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Only ask her if she asks you. She might be okay with the fact that her stepfather has been the only father in her life... dont rock the boat.....

    & if she does ask, be honest. Its the best way to go. & so many people lie, & the more they lie about it, the more their own child is likely to make the same mistakes...

    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 11:01 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I honestly wouldnt tell her unless she comes looking for answers. In that I mean, she really is interested and really wants to know more. You are so lucky to have such a great guy in your life now that stepped up to the plate to take the role of her other parent. I wont say dad cause I dont know if she calls him that. It doesnt matter where she came from, she is here and she is thriving in her life. You need to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and move on with life. You have a wonderful life, the past is in the past. It doesnt need to be a deep dark secret unless you continue to let it control you. So, you made a mistake,,,,lots of us have. Doesnt change anything about today, tomorrow or the rest of dd's life. It wont and cant change who she is, so why tell? Get on with the business of living and put this to rest, forgive yourself hon,,,and move on....
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 11:22 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • First, stop beating yourself up! You made some mistakes, but I am betting you don't think your daughter is one of those mistakes. Just be honest with her. If she is starting to ask questions, then start answering them - honestly. I had my daughter very young and during an extremely turbulent time - her biological father was married (smack me). I married when she was 2 and while we never hid the fact that her "dad" was not her biological, we didn't talk about it either. When she was ready for some answers, she came to me. My bad behavior didn't change our relationship one bit. She loves you and that will not change by admitting you made some mistakes. Good Luck to you!
    MomIWant

    Answer by MomIWant at 8:36 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • You have NO idea? Not even a maybe? I mean we all make stupid mistakes, but for your daughter...well it is natural to want to know who and where you are from. Don't you have any idea who her father might be? This is a pickle. I think being honest with her will be best. She can learn from your mistakes. You are her mom and she will love you anyway. If you have an idea of who it may be, then tell her that...but make sure she knows you are not positive. I think perhaps talking to a counselor may help you both through this situation. Good luck to you.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:12 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • HONESTY! Tell her the truth. She maybe upset, but truth is always better than lying.
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 12:21 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

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