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2 Bumps

adult stepsons wont have anything to do with us

my husband and i got together before we ended our marriages , now we have 2 girls 15 months and 3 months. his 2 sons dont speak to me and the girls, even if they see us in town, they are in their twenties. neither does his brothers wife , so my girls dont know their brothers or cousins. my husband says its their loss but i feel horrible about it and want to move.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • I am sure this is a difficult situation to be in. Does your husband still speak to them? Does he want to move away from his adult children?

    I'm not sure why they don't speak to you but maybe it is because of the fact that you two got together before his marriage to their mother was over. Children don't always see the complications in a relationship and divorce is hard on them no matter what age they are. I would assume they love their mother and for that reason may look at you like you're the bad guy.

    I wouldn't move because of it. So long as they are not rude or disrespectful about it just go on with your life the way you have been. Raise your kids maybe one day the sons will change their minds
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 12:32 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Just worry about your kids and not about what everyone else thinks. It's a battle I doubt you'll ever win. If my dad cheated on my mom when I was in my 20s and ended up with 2 more little kids from the woman he cheated with I wouldn't be running over to make friends with her or her kids and my dad would be lucky if I even still talked to him. I WOULD NOT stand for that kind of betrayal or treatment of the woman who gave me life and raised me right.

    You have no right to expect anything from those boys. You made your bed.
    MizusT

    Answer by MizusT at 12:38 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • There isn't a whole lot you can do about it. They probably view you as the reason their parents are no longer together. It may not be true but feelings aren't always logical. Are you happy with your husband? If so, then stop worrying about this. They may eventually come around as they mature. My husbands sons blamed him for the divorce when the truth was she cheated on him. They have finally forgiven their father and have a good relationship with him. I think they finally figured out what was what.
    QuillingDiva

    Answer by QuillingDiva at 12:43 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Think about how they feel, first of all you took their dad from their mom, then you started a whole new little family, it must have made them feel pretty awful. Plus I am sure that they feel like being around you would be a betrayal of their mom. Im sure its hard on you, but really put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would handle it. I think its just something you have to accept. Maybe one day things will change, but then again maybe they wont.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 12:46 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • moving won't change anything, but I do understand. Its a lonely feeling.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:43 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • If I were them, I would feel resentment about what happened and would resent the new wife and family. You must be much younger than your husband. Wonder how the first wife feels and the boys. You can only go on about your business and hopefully they will want to sit down and get things on the table.
    Esmrlda

    Answer by Esmrlda at 6:31 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Sad but it is time to move on, but be available if and when they want to meet the children or be back with dad.

    tyme4me2day

    Answer by tyme4me2day at 8:12 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • so you were the other woman?

    You should have thought this through. Of course they hate you. You and your husband broke up their parents marriage.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:55 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Nothing you could do is going to help the situation. These are grown kids that need to grow up. If you and your husband are on the same page, count that the blessing. Raise your babies and love them and your husband is correct, it is their lost. It is a difficult situation for all and they may be able to one day get over and past it but until then, embrace the family you do have.
    y0la40

    Answer by y0la40 at 8:25 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Your husband is right; it's their loss. I can't say that I blame you for wanting to move.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 3:18 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

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