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2 Bumps

How do I deal with my husband's ex wife?

His ex wife has full custody of their 3 yr old son and we are stationed in Turkey for anothe ryear...we went onleave a month ago and I took pics of Jaxon and my husband and posted them on facebook..My sister inlaw replied to one of them saying how cute he is..Well I posted "yes he is very adorable and i love and mis shim alot.."His ex wife bitched at him the other day b/c I posted that sayin I hve no right to be saying stuff like that to other people and that I need to watch what I say...She does this all the time about anything that I post..I made it very clear to her before we moved that I dont want to replace her at all...Its not inme to do that..Im just goign to be his friend and when he's in our care IM going to be a parent..Am I in the wrong here?It seems like all she ever does is bitch about things but than the next day she is all nice and friendly to me on facebook...

Answer Question
 
afwife58701

Asked by afwife58701 at 4:04 AM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (391 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • NO you are not wrong at all. I have the same problem with my hubby's ex and I've learned just to totally ignore her, seems to make her madder than anything else LOL. Some women are just so damn insecure that they think no other woman can be in their child's life. It used to upset me all the time but I learned to just blow it off because it wasn't worth the drama and anxiety. I think it's great you love your stepson, she should be happy that you do.
    SophiaofLight

    Answer by SophiaofLight at 4:12 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Its not easy walking into a already formed family. Thats the part thats hard to get use to. No matter what you both have, they will always have a son together. It would be unfair to accept it any other way, for the sake of the child. The mom on the other hand has a lot of issues. Mostly the pain of knowing she'll never be his wife. Every time she hears your name or her son refers to you, she will have to come to terms with that. Until she is willing to forgive him & herself, she will try to use you has her punching bag. Best way to deal with it, is ignore it. Kind of like the bully. As long as they get a reaction out of you they'll keep it up. To soften her, you can acknowledge her feelings & tell her you will be considerate, respect her wishes, and ask for her permission to speak about the child. Trust me when I say, it will only be for a season. Question is: can you find something to love about her 4 the child's sake?
    Prayerpartner

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 4:21 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • wow she sounds really childish and manipulative. it seems to me that she wants your man back but cant have him so she is bitter. hang in there be the bigger person.
    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 4:26 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Momma she may think in her own head that you are trying to replace her no matter what you say to her she is feeling and thinking that her child may lean to you more then her. It's normal for her to feel that way, for her to say that she doesn't want you to say stuff like that isn't right but it is in a way. I too am a step-parent and there mother and I have had long talks about who i will be to her children and what not the only difference between your situation with your SS and mine is that we all get along VERY, VERY well we have x-mas together and we have BBQ"s together. Her and I have known one another for years even before my hubby and I got together. Maybe you can reasure her many times that you just want to be your SS friend and you want nothing but the best for this child. It will get easier as time goes by and she see's that you are just his friend. Keep your head up. Your a good women and a good friend to this child.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:33 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Very sorry my dr mamu!!!!!!!!!
    Ican here that situation your in!!
    But the only thing i can tell you is to stand in your position as awife,
    and Pray to God who knows all about us, and you will be protected
    from all ways and temptetions that cames all your ways!
    And Iam very sure things will be ok in JESUS's name.
    ILOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
    Nobe

    Answer by Nobe at 5:17 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Until you are in her position of having to let a stranger take care of your child. Just because your EX is married to this stranger. You really do not know what she is going through.  Block her from your facebook. And do not talk to her.  Maybe you should not post pics of the stepchild. Don't rock the boat.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:53 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Being the new wife and a new step mommy is very hard no matter what they think that we are trying to take their place. I wouldn't let her comments bother me and I would block her from facebook you have every right to post something like that on your FB just try really hard not to let her get to you that's her goal is to put yo u down and maybe someday she won't be the bad guy.
    That'sthe problem anymore is there are too many people out there with exs and we get caught up in them.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:21 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • a lot of people are like that. They are nice to your face, then talk crap about ya to others. Her dumb move was talking to someone who would in turn tell you or talk about it where you could see it. She's not very bright as far as keeping her comments in way that you won't see or hear about them.

    In fact my In-Laws were like that at first until they realized their son was simply relaying everything they said to him, over to me and then feeling like they'd been betrayed and made fools, they stopped talking about me to my DH anymore.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:29 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • If I were you, I would just say ok and move on. If it makes her feel uncomfortable then grant her that. But don't give her the satisfaction that she thinks she can run things. She used to and she cant deal with her not being the boss chick anymore. When it comes to kids its touchy. everyone is not the same. To avoid uneccesary drama just leave it be. If she doesnt want you to do that on FB then you grant her that and delete her. She shouldnt be on ur friends list if shes fake and phony. Its only a way to keep tabs on you since she cant in real life. Guess virtual works for her.
    AngelEyva

    Answer by AngelEyva at 6:45 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Why don't you just block her from seeing your pictures? Don't have to unfriend her at all. Just limit what she sees.


    Your dealing with the momma bear syndrome. The family has gone though a major shock, divorce, and she's being very protective. You are the new thing, potential threat and you have to be put in your place. Apparently you have not earned the right in her eyes to take such actions.So when you do, you get slapped back down. If you want her to relax her defencive stance, your going to have to get to know her and her you. Your going to have to make yourself not a threat to her child. You will have to be on Team Kid.

    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 6:48 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

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