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Would you leave your husband over where you were living?

My husband, our three kids, and I live with his parents while he's in school. Also living with his parents are his mom's parents (his grandmother has alzheimers). That's nine people so you can imagine there isn't a lot of room. Also there's quite a bit of yelling and crying from dh's grandmother. I hate being here and personally don't think that it's a good environment for the children. I have suggested everything I can think of to dh on how we can move out but he turns me down every time. Sometimes I don't even thinks he's even listening. My mom (who lives alone) offered to let us stay with her but dh said she's too flaky. He also said that if we move then he doesn't see how he could continue going to school. I was shocked at how many of my friend said I should move out with out him. I love him but I'm just torn between what he thinks is right and what I do.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:33 AM on Oct. 12, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • 1st thing, follow your heart. Your friends aren't the ones who's family would be torn apart. try to find a middleground.

    Answer by myboogiewoogie at 7:05 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • It sounds to me like he has separation issues. Maybe he doesn't feel emotionally prepared to leave his parents' house. Maybe he feels obligated to help his mother out with his ailing grandfather. Whatever the issue may be, he needs to learn to "grow up". I suggest coming up with a compromise. Instead of moving farther away from his school by moving in with your mother, why don't you guys get a place of your own? There are MANY families who have a parent that works while another goes to school. There are also MANY families that have a parent that works and goes to school. You could get a job to help out with expenses and you could apply for government assistance. The government will assist with daycare expenses, food expenses and even housing.


    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 7:12 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  •  It is tough living away from parents but it is extremely possible (even for a family of five) if you commit to it. If YOU don't feel safe living with his parents and he doesn't feel comfortable moving so far away from his school/parents the you MUST compromise. Otherwise, you will all be miserable.


    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 7:13 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • Before I made any decision I would look at a couple of things: how long do you have to live with them? and why can't he go to school if you were to move in with his mother? How long have you been married? and how old are your children? Give me that info. and I will give you my thoughts!

    Answer by momof2boys423 at 7:21 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • I would be more concerned about family stability.

    I have known families to be split apart because of economical circumstances, the wife in military relocating in a very small town when the husband was an IT professional that could only find work in a larger city. Yes, they did separate for this reason after a decent marriage relation.

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 7:36 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • What about student housing at the university he's's usually pretty resonable....

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • Is he working during this time? Are you living free of charge? Is he more comfortable with his Mom and family? 3 extra children, a set of extra parents, and son and DIL,, thats got to be more than his parents can handle.Are you helping with things there?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • I think you should put your children first, before you husband.And your husband too should put your children first.He sounds like a mommas boy.Me personally,I'd leave with my kids to a better situation.I bet your husbands changes his tune if you did that.

    Answer by evelynwest at 8:31 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • I would never leave my husband over where we are living, I married for better or worse. You need to sit down with you husband and see if you can come up with a compramise and find out the real reason he doesn't want to move out then make your decision.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:41 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • sorry I didn't give enough info.
    -dh has at least 2-3 more years of school
    - I don't know why he can't go to school somewhere else
    - we've been married for coming on 7 years
    -I can't get a job right now because our two youngest are 20m & 2m
    -he goes to comm. college so no housing
    -he works full time and goes to school part time (he's never here)
    -We pay his mom $200 month and I clean (what I'm allowed to), cook, and watch his grandmother when needed

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Oct. 12, 2008

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