Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Am I wrong??

Dh is an only child, and we have a 9 mo old dd. His mother has never really let him do things on his own... any big decision we make she feels she needs to be a part of. If we are saving to get new tires on a car, she just takes it out and goes nad puts tires on it. She never lets us do anything for ourselves, or even try to do anything. And it really really bugs me. she asked me last week if she could get out a life insurance policy on dd (as an investment). I told her I didn't know and I would have to think about it. Then she started in on me about having one, and saying she could get me a physical and set one up for me too and blah blah. Just being very very pushy about the whole thing. And the pushiness really bugs me. Well today she asked dh for dd's ss# so she could get it started. So she's going to do it no matter what I say. I just don't understand why she can't/won't let us do any of this for ourselves (con't)....

Answer Question

Asked by jedwards2009 at 1:36 PM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 17 (3,282 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • (con't). I don't care if she starts an investment for dd. but I know she will never turn it over to us like she says she will. I wouldn't be suprised if she ended up borrowing against it or something. She said she had one dh, and that *eventually* she will give it to him to use. I mean if she didn't give it us when I lost my job, and insurance, and got denied medicare and we had dd without insurance, or when both of our cars died and we were scarping every penny working min. wage jobs to get a "new" (20 year old) one, she's never going to give it to him. I just want her to back off and let us make some kind of decisions without her! Is that asking too much??

    Comment by jedwards2009 (original poster) at 1:38 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Maybe try talking to her and letting her know exactly how everything is doing makes you feel. She really might be just trying to help. Keep the lines of communication open.

    Answer by christy_lvr at 1:40 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Your DH needs to stand up to her. If you are the only one standing up, then she will not let it go.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:41 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Wow that must be horrible having someone put tires on your car and save your monthly budget $400. =P Really though.... getting a life insurance policy on your child early is a VERY good idea. I know this because I worked in Insurance for years as an agent, but left the biz before I had kids. And guess what I did? I never got around to getting life insurance on my kiddos when they were little. And then guess what happened? My older one as diagnosed with asthma, my younger one was diagnosed with a genetic condition and neither can get health insurnace now becauase of their medical conditions. So please... let her do this if you don't have the time

    Answer by karamille at 1:41 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I know that's the prob. He doesn't stand up to her. and if he does she automatically blames me anyways. We decided to move about 5 hours away. It was something WE decided, and she keeps asking him if it was my decision. Now she's even saying she's going to come over and pack my house for me (like I'm not able to do so...) and trying to tell me how to pack!

    Comment by jedwards2009 (original poster) at 1:42 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • No its not asking too much. I would say it is up to your DH to stand up to his mom and tell her that he is an adult and will taking care of his own life along with his wife and daughters. He doesn't have to cut her off completely of course just tell her this is your life and let you guys live it. Maybe she can redirect her "interference" into getting stuff for your DD, i.e. giving YOU guys money to start a college fund for DD that way you are in control of it and know what happens to it. Getting DD cool new presents and stuff.

    Maybe "We really appreciate that your trying to help us out mom but we'd really like a chance to see if we can make it on our own. We're adults and parents we need to be self-sufficient. And I have no problem with you donating money for DD's college savings or other savings plan, but we need to be in charge of the accounts."

    Answer by mrspierce06 at 1:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • No its not. & I wouldn't let her have your daughters SS number... because once she has it, thats it. Its not her place to get a policy on your daughter, its yours. I would refuse & see if there is anything that can be done about it.

    He needs to sit down tell his mom to look, We love that you love us & want to help us, but its time to grow up.... YOU HAVE to do thing on your own, she needs to sit back & watch from the side lines & wait to be asked for help.

    Be ferm but loving about it. explain to her that you guys want to try, & love that she wants to help you, but you need to do it on our own..

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 1:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Jademom- my point was I don't care if she does these things.. but it's just like she comes in and takes over. If she knows we are working for something then she will just go do it wiuthout even asking us or anything. That's what bugs me. I'm sorry, but I work for the things I have, always have and always will. I don't like her borrowing money from her 401K to pay for stuff that we can do ourselves.

    Comment by jedwards2009 (original poster) at 1:44 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • It sounds like you need to be more thankful that she is able to help you out. If you are trying to save money for tires and she buys them, then continue saving money emergencies come up and she may not be around to help you out. Why would you need to think about her taking out a life insurance poliy on dd? It is a smart move that hopefully will never pay off. Sounds like she is concerned about her family. Do you have a job with insurance? Be thank ful she is willing to help you. She just doesn't want the most horrible think to happen and you not be taken care of.

    Answer by adakbride at 1:49 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.