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Am I being unfair or is she?

my 3yr old is mega spoiled by her grandma (my mom). In grandmas world my 3yr old can do no wrong so when the walls were colored on she blamed and spanked my almost 2yr old! now thats just one example so u get an idea. Its becoming an everyday thing and I never used to have behavior problems with my 3yr old but when grandma is around my 3yr old refuses to listen to me whatsoever, she'll actually do bad things knowing that if I say anything grandma will 'shut me up' and if I even try to give her a time out or anything grandma will step in and say no why should she be punished? punish the baby! so yeah... she calls me unfair and says I buy my almost 2yr old things and nothing for my 3yr old when its the other way around, she buys things for my 3yr old but not for my other child. worse since when my 3yr old acts out in public ppl look at me like Im a horrible mother! grandma will either laugh it off or tell her 'no baby thats wrng

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Asked by ShadowXX at 3:22 PM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 4 (50 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I think it is time for grandma to have a time out! There is no way she would be in MY house making ME look like a fool! These are YOUR children! YOU are the say for how they are raised, not her! She had her kid raising time and now it's yours. You have to tell her like it is and tell her she has to follow those rules or stay away.

    And as far as punishing the 2 yr old for what the 3 yr old did, I would have handed her ass for that one.

    Answer by Memigen at 3:24 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • do you live with grandma?

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 3:25 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • My mom was the same way until I cut off all contact and told her she would not regain contact with me and my children until she realized I am the mom and what I say goes, DO NOT interfere with MY parenting!!! It took her almost a year to get it!

    Answer by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 3:29 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • if you don't live with her, you need to let her know that you will not let her around until she starts to understand that you are the mother. if you live with her, then go on with your discipline even if she tries to shut you up. don't start an argument though. if she starts to get loud, as her to meet you in the other room, then you can let her have it without the kids hearing everything.

    Answer by gracefulsky at 3:30 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • You allow it to happen. Even if you are living with her (which is just an assumption), you are still the parent, and you still make the rules for your children. If you want it to end, move out, or limit contact.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 3:31 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • yes i do, i pay half her morgage (sorry i didnt have enough room in the edit question thing)

    Comment by ShadowXX (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • You need to treat both of your children fairly, regardless of what someone else does. In addition, you're responsible for disciplining your children - it's up to you not to let grandma tell you how to parent. You need to teach your children how to behave, not let grandma teach your child that it's ok to misbehave and blame others. The responsibility is yours.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 3:34 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I think it would be best for you to limit the amount of time grandma spends with the grandchildren. Unless you are leaving the children in her care, it is not her place to discipline. Since she is showing serious favoritism towards your 3 year old, I wouldn't leave the children with her alone. It doesn't sound like a good situation for the 3 year old or the almost 2 year old.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 3:35 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I am sorry, but it sounds like you need to limit the time your mom is around your kids. Do not stop it, just limit it. You need to stand up to your mom and tell her it is your way or the highway. And she should be not playing favorites to the grand children.


    Answer by louise2 at 3:35 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Wow, I would be moving out asap, if you pay half her mortgage you can probably afford a place to live. I would not put up with that personally. My mom has done similar things when she comes to visit (not the spoiling one, but not the other, but the rest of it) And I just say, no this is my child it is my rules, sorry if you think I am being unfair that is my choice, but then I can say if she has a problem with it she can leave (not that I have had to)

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 3:35 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

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