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Feeling Guilty

I have had problems with my almost 3 y.o. hitting/bitting/pushing/kicking my 16 month old. I finally had enough when she started hitting him on the head and wouldn't stop. So, I popped her on the head every time she hit him. After the last pop, she looked at me with a hurt look, her eyes watered up and she told me that it hurt. Iasked her hoe she thought that _felt when she did it to him. I felt badly about doing that,

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Bugbait

Asked by Bugbait at 3:39 PM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 20 (8,332 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Maybe violence isn't a form of discipline you comfortable with.

    I'm not either.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 3:41 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Dont feel guilty...now she knows. You did the right thing.
    Casumael

    Answer by Casumael at 3:41 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I fail to see how hitting a child shows that hitting is wrong?
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 3:42 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Some times kids do not under stand untell it happens to them. I would have done the same thing but I would have spanked her harder and harder tell she stoped hitting him. I would have kept telling this to. You hit him you get a spanking.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I personally don't think it's any different than a mom biting her kid everytime he/she bites just to show them that it actually does hurt and it's not fun. I don't think you popped her hard enough to cause brain damage but mommyhood is all about teaching our kids what's right and what's wrong, not everyone will agree with HOW we do it, as long as it works and it's not child abuse. Important thing is, now baby girl knows that getting hit on the head HURTS...
    MsElastigirl

    Answer by MsElastigirl at 3:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • oh teachable moment....(me with a nonviolent philosophy)...she needed a little help with her empathy skills.
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 3:46 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • It's over with now, you can't go back in time and undo it. Feeling guilty won't help the situation, but you might want to let it guide you in choosing not to do it again.
    You're right about one thing - now she knows. Perhaps this may help put an end to her aggressive behaviors. Continue to redirect and punish her each time she mistreats another person.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 3:47 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • as a psychology major, kids till they are about 4 years old don't understand why they do things... such as play.. they know they like to play they just don't understand why..... my point is, calmly explain to your child that hitting is wrong, and hurtful... then continue to explain examples of hurt...

    combine that with maybe another alternate punishment... such as taking away a favorite toy for a while.

    I guess hitting a child is another way to show him an example of hurt, but use that to often she's just going to use that form of punishment in your future... you're trying to teach her that hitting is wrong and by doing so (for whatever reason, she still doesnt understand) is teaching her it's also okay
    FITmama2B

    Answer by FITmama2B at 3:50 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Also make sure she is getting enough one on one with you and DH and getting praise and positive reinforcement when she does things right. She may just need a little more attention.......and plenty of hugs and kisses.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:09 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • FITmom is right..

    hitting them for hitting someone else is only going to teach them in the end that hitting is okay if you do it when someone is bad.. so everytime their sibling makes them mad they are going to think it's okay to hit them.

    Instead take away their toys.. time out. Examples of why it hurts help, and explain that it makes you sad too helps.

    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 6:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

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