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Does counseling really work?

I'm just asking a question here... if you're in a relationship where your husband or boyfriend repeatably cheats, can counseling work if he's up to doing it? Or would you just leave the relatioship??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Counseling can only work if both people do the work. I cheated on my husband and was willing to do the work, he kept saying he wanted to be with me and make it work but he didn't put in the effort. The issue was he wanted to continue to blame, with me in the room he could easily point the finger and not take ownership for his own issues in our relationship that were part of the problem.
    Counseling can't fix a cheater, unless they want it to...take it from me - as hard as I tried I didn't stop for a year. There's a lot that goes through the brain when it comes to cheating, subconciously and a consciously. Our counselor told us to get divorced because my husband wasn't putting in the work to make things better (again just blaming me), after that he went to counseling on his own and is definitely trying and being a better person in our relationship. We've been going for 10 months and finally things are getting better.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:57 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I think if you're both willing to make it work it could. I don't have any experience, but I figure it's still around and people still recommend it there has to be something to it. :-) But then I'd at least try it before just leaving the relationship if I was really into keeping my relationship alive. if it's just a boyfriend I'd be worried what might come of the relationship, but that's just my opinion.
    MamaSarah1104

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 3:57 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • For many people, it can, yes. Counseling is largely intended to help an individual, couple, or family meet their full potential. The key there is that they must WANT to work at this goal. Counseling is not a magic bullet, as many people seem to think. You get out what you put in ... and if you put very little effort into it, you will receive very little benefit.
    lovesergei

    Answer by lovesergei at 3:58 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • If he wants to change, then yes. If he doesn't want to change then nothing will work.
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 4:01 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • It depends on if he WANTS to change his ways. I would give it a try if he claims he wants to try, but if you don't see any chnages or improvements within a few months I would leave the relationship.

    If it is a boyfriend of not to long then I'd leave his sorry sheating ass.

    Personally I would be away from a cheater in a split second.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 4:01 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • i hope so
    we just started
    but mine recently informed me what kind of things he is into (his whole life)
    i did not know until a few months ago
    so maybe not in our case

    good luck!!
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 4:04 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I do believe counseling can work-- BUT it would take BOTH people being open, honest, and wanting to change, working hard to bring about the change, - and following thru on promises (like no more cheating).
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:06 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • in my opinion i dont think it can work because there will always be that dout in your heart no matter what you will always no that you wont be able to trust because trust is a hard thing to gain but an easy thing to lose thats just my opinion
    Runt420

    Answer by Runt420 at 4:27 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Only if both partners are willing to make it work. Nothing changes if the person (people) aren't willing to change. There has to be acceptance of the issue, willingness to make it work, and effort through the process of changing the bad behavior. Otherwise it doesn't work. Counseling is only a third party listening and guiding, but the real work and change comes from the couple.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:36 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Counseling works if both people see an issue(s), and are dedicated to making their relationship work. Too often, one person is dragging the other - counseling won't work if one person really doesn't want it to.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 5:08 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

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