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Have you ever had a miscarriage? Did your husband seem upset by it?

My hubby stated that he was more upset that I was upset.... not so much about the baby. He just thought that we would just have another one. But I felt that this was a life and it was MY CHILD...

His mother also didnt think much of it. She'd had a previous miscarriage as well but when I asked her about it she stated that she wasnt upset about losing the child because she didnt want anymore children. Of course I thought that was pretty heartless and my face must have shown it because she quickly retracted and said but I was saddened because of the loss of the life.

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35yoamom

Asked by 35yoamom at 5:25 PM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 20 (10,016 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • yes, i have. my dh was upset, but men don't show it the way we do. he knew it hurt me to no end, and he knew every time i was thinking about the baby..just by looking at me. gosh, for like 2 or 3 years, he would quickly grab my hand or put his arm around me any time we passed a baby, or i halfway looked at one in a store or church. he knew, and it hurt him. i can say it hurt me more; after all, it was his life, too..i didn't create it on my own.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:28 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • We were both upset, you both need to grieve.
    I however agree with you on you MIL, wow!!!
    Sorry for your loss
    browningmom

    Answer by browningmom at 5:29 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • i meant, ''i can't say it hurt me more''.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:29 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • my ex fiance caused my miscarriage when we were together but my husband and i are expecting our first child and he is currently deployed and knows im very high risk. i had a bit of cramping and bleeding at our 12th week i told my husband and he freaked out and started crying cause he didnt want me to lose the baby. the baby is ok im 20 weeks now but my hubs calls every change he gets to make sure im ok and the baby is ok. i think its harder on the mother cause we feel it in our own bodies. some people deal with loss differently though
    pinkdena

    Answer by pinkdena at 5:31 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I had 2 miscarriages. My first and third pregnancies ended that way. It was really hard. My husband was upset. It was the only time I have seen him cry so I know it hurt him. As for your situation, everyone has there way of handling a loss. Maybe your DH just isn't showing how much he is hurting. About your MIL, that is wrong. I don't know how she could have felt that way and told you that knowing what you are going through and how much pain you are in. I am very sorry for your loss. Just know that you are not alone.
    lovemygirls2007

    Answer by lovemygirls2007 at 5:36 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I did with my first pregnancy, my dh was sad, but he wasn't heartbroken like I was. That life was living inside me, and it was then dead inside me, so I felt like my heart had been torn out, he didn't have that same emotional attachment, but he was sad, and was really sad seeing how hard it was on me.
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 5:38 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Yes, I had one. We had decided that he/she would be our last baby and when I miscarried we were both very hurt. My husband told me how depressed he was for the next few days over it. But I'm not sure how much of it was over the baby or over seeing me go through the hurt and the pain and the depression for the next month. He went back and forth for a while over whether or not he still wanted one more. But in the end, decided he was okay with our healthy kids and felt young enough to keep up with them (our youngest now is 3 1/2, he just turned 37). Also, he told his sister (who later told me) that he didn't think he could handle seeing me go through it all again if something went wrong with another pregnancy.
    cheez1e

    Answer by cheez1e at 5:42 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • Yes I had the miscarriage in November 2005. I have since has a beautiful bouncing baby boy. However it took me minute to bond to the little fellow because I felt guilty. I didnt want my other child to think that I had forgotten about him. I still carry his ultrasound picture in my wallet. But my husband said that he was primarily sad because I was so hurt, not because he had also lost a child!!!!!!!!

    As far as my MIL is concerned... that is actually what I would have expected her to say. Sometimes things that she says catches me off guard and I get hurt like that time... But now I whole heartedly expect her to say things like that...
    35yoamom

    Comment by 35yoamom (original poster) at 5:44 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • I did with my first pregnancy, my dh was sad, but he wasn't heartbroken like I was. That life was living inside me, and it was then dead inside me, so I felt like my heart had been torn out, he didn't have that same emotional attachment, but he was sad, and was really sad seeing how hard it was on me.

    Answer by AshleyBDG

    Maybe this is how it was for us...Thanks Ashley
    35yoamom

    Comment by 35yoamom (original poster) at 5:45 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • My second miscarriage my pregnancy was pretty far along. It was evening and my husband was at work, 3-11 shift. I called and he was too busy to talk. You could see the baby in the toilet. I couldn't flush. He came home and didn't look and just flushed. It was 28 years ago and it still hurts.


    My oldest son's girlfriend lived with us and was pregnant. She stopped feeling the baby kick. We went to the doctor's office and there was no heartbeat. The tech said it was God's way of getting rid of defective babies. That really ticked my son off. We went to the hospital ER and they said she was too far along for a D&C and she had to go through labor. They said she would be in labor for hours. The doctor and nurses left and my son went to get food. His girlfriend went in the bathroom and then she called me in. I delivered the baby in the ER bathroom.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:47 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

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