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How to handle an aggressive 4 year old?

I have a 4 year old who has always been aggressive towards adults (hitting, bitting, kicking etc) and has finally got really hard to handle and risks getting kicked out of daycare. I have currently seeked help of a perfessional. We are currently working on different methods to help with his aggression and anger issues. Does any one have any advice or understand what I am going through? Sometimes I feel so alone.

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Asked by Sam33181 at 5:44 PM on Sep. 2, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • my son is 3 and has the same problems

    Answer by Number1Mommy204 at 5:56 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • sorry you're dealing with this, but you did the right thing by seeking out professional help. HUGS mama!!

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 6:24 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • my nephew can be this way with other people except with me he won't. I'm pregnant and I told him flat out if he can't be nice to me he can sit in the corner, after a day of that he stopped.

    Don't punish hitting with hitting him back, that only inserts that it's okay to hit people when they are bad or you are mad at them.
    Take away toys. This worked when my DD started to acted up with her toys (she would throw them when she was mad).. so one day I locked all her toys in her play room. She stopped after that.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 6:28 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • (it was only for the rest of the day (maybe 3 hours worth) but it worked)

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 6:29 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • When a child is aggressive, usually, they are just trying to gain back some control. They want to feel powerful and be powerful. One way we show power in our culture is to hit, kick, use hateful words to show force, bite, scream.....resist authority. Even small children. If you are seeing a professional, I personally like a certified play therapist. Play therapy works wonders for inappropriate aggressive behaviors. Not all forms of aggression are inappropriate. Second, I would (if this were my child) set up things he can control. Like a punching bag and comment on how powerful he is while he hits. Let him show off his moves on the bag. If he has toy guns or swords let him use those as a form of cutting you up during special times where you are playing swords with each other. Tell him how strong he is and how strong he must feel when he really gets into it. If you can create acceptable times to have an outlet for

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:10 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • this aggression he is feeling - then other times where it is not okay may be calmer. We set a timer on the microwave and call it wrestle time. He can only wrestle when we agree it is our special wrestle time. Or karate time. When the timer goes off we do a calm activity that does not involve being phsyical. This seems to help us. My child is very physical and loves all things that involve being powerful. We remind him when it is not wrestle time to do another activity. I always have some suggestion at the ready in case he needs something to concentrate on: crayons/paper, playdough, toys in a bin not usualy kept out in his playroom, a tent over the kitchen table to use as his cave. Any activity that keeps him occuppied and interested. I also make sure he has a lot of my time without the television on, my phone near by, or any other distraction. The alone time with us also helps.


    Answer by frogdawg at 9:15 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • karate helped my son. He got an outlet for his hitting and kicking in a safe environment and learned how to respect his elders.

    Answer by midnightshadow2 at 12:10 AM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • strictness is about the only thing i can think of

    Answer by sstepph at 7:10 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Thank you everyone for your comments...We have found with the help of a temporary medication and positive disipline my little guy has started listening, doing what he is told and he has not had an aggressive outburst in almost a month.

    Comment by Sam33181 (original poster) at 11:20 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

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