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This is complicated, but I need some advice

about 4 years ago we got temporary custody of my husbands daughter. The reason - her mother kept dropping the child off for unscheduled visits and would leave her daughter with us she would say that she would be back in a couple of days and then it might be a month. The mother remarried again and shortly after they were married the child told us that her stepfather had abused her sexually -reasons why we felt we needed to get custody of her. TheMother comes to court and says that she has removed the stepfather -she was going to change and be a better mother . The outcome was she got the child back and we got a credit on child support .

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Asked by AlabamaGrl at 2:11 PM on Oct. 12, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • Continued-things changed for about a month and things went back to the way they were. She remarried it didn't work out due to domestic violence and she got pregnant with another man's child-one time while they were fighting my stepdaughter stepped on glass from them throwing bottles at each other and she had to have stitches. Anyway I could go on and on but bottom line is my stepdaughter has been here all summer and when school started her mom said she could live with us for 9 weeks to see if her grades and attendance would be better here- but she wanted us to continue with child support-we did and bought everything for her to start school-I don't think we should be paying her-do you? and we want to go back to court but we can't afford it especially if the outcome is the same from last time-oh yeah it has been 8 weeks and she has made all A's and missed no school

    Answer by AlabamaGrl at 2:17 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • Not to be rude or anything, but that woman sounds like a welfare queen who is trying to bleed as much money from your husband as possible. Please find a way to get full custody of your step daughter, for her sake.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • Do everything that you can to protect that child from a very unstable mother. Bottom Line...get custody and document everything...dates times and pix if possible of the abuse, neglect and ignorance of her mom. She needs dependable, responsible parents, who will love her and care for her. If you don't intercede, she may turn out just like the mom. Good Luck!


    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 2:33 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • She wants you to pay her child support even though the child is living with you? That's CRAZY!! There is no way you should be paying her! She is a LEACH! She oviously wants the MONEY but NOT the CHILD! Stop paying her!

    Answer by amydh at 2:34 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • thanks this is the way I see her too but I just hope the court will see it this way- my stepdaughter will be 10 in December do you think the court will take her feelings into consideration-she is very mature for her age and has seen and heard to much of her Mothers crap and she wants to tell her side of the story-matter of fact the other day she said she didn't want to see her Mother until she got her act together-and this breaks my heart because she is so smart and I have two children of my own and I want to see her completely out of her mother's drama

    Answer by AlabamaGrl at 2:35 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • I cant believe the courts do not remove her from that home! Rediculous! In some states it is practically impossible to have a mothers custody taken away...its wrong...just because shes her bio mother does NOT mean she is a good mom! Please make sure you are documenting dates, times and occurances.

    Answer by Teejay602 at 2:42 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • That's weird. I would not pay her and if she is not living with her mother I dont think you have to pay her. You might want to contact child support enforcement and let them know what's going on. I had to put my son with my mother at one low point in my life for three months and I was paid child support but I gave it to her...I mean duh, she was taking care of him and he needed to money for clothes, food, etc. I would ditch the lady...not pay her and call child support enforcement. Hopefully you have receipts.

    Answer by raybell at 3:16 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • You don't need a lawyer. Go to court without one. This woman is unstable and doesn't deserve this child. And this child deserves better than her.

    Answer by feesharose at 3:24 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • As the responsible parent it is your husbands "responsibility" to protect this child. The first thing you need to do is go ASAP to the local court and apply for temporary custody. Show the court that the child has been with you for this latest period of time. Show proof of why you feel she is better off in your care. In the future keep journals and receipts for every day the child is in your care, every item you buy the child and every time something "bad" happens to the child in the Mother's care. As far as the child support goes you should continue to pay it until the court order has been changed. You may also need to file to have the support stopped even though you have the child in your care.

    Answer by coug70_99 at 3:35 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

  • Sounds like the "mother" wants the money, not the daughter. Thats a shame! Take her back to court for custody, or a modification of child support at least. You guys shouldn't support the mother and the daughter. Women like that piss me off!

    Answer by mama14572 at 4:33 PM on Oct. 12, 2008

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