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Is this healthy (relationship)

I have been dating and tried living with a guy that just rocks my world. I'm 41 he's42 both been in long marriages. We love being around eachother but our kids dont fit togeather. We both have a hard time with one of his and one of my kids so living apart works best. I just had him move out but we are now on my request not to confuse the kids secretely dating.
Wondering if I should wait the 2 years out until our kids are grown or move on. Been brainstorming and thought your opinions might help.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Sep. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • awww, this breaks my heart ! personally i think if your kids want to see you happy, they'll find some way to get along with him...have you told them that you and he are both persons too !? I would hate to see someone that you say "rocks your world" go his separate ways....what is it about the kids ??? is there some way it can be worked out ? I'm all for making kids a priority but if this guy isn't harming your children in any way (including emotional), then I think maybe the kids need a lesson ?????

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 11:56 AM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • What problems are you having with your kids?

    Answer by Raine2001 at 11:56 AM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Do what makes you happy!! If he is what makes you happy, then stay with him. If your kids/his kids wants you guys to be happy and love yal they will stop being selfish and just get along!! Everyone fights it is part of life, good luck momma

    Answer by Brittney20 at 11:56 AM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • i think that children should try to see that this man makes you happy and be happy for you. have you told them how he makes you feel. maybe if they could set aside their differences so that you too could be happy would be the best solution. my old boss won't get married cause one of his children is upset but i'm sure that if he talked to the child and said i just don't want to be lonely anymore and wouldn't you want me to be happy that this child would try harder. i think part of growing up is accepting things in your life. they should accept him and i think you need to help them and not keep anything secret.

    Answer by melody77 at 11:57 AM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I agree with the PP... It's sad that, obviously having teenage kids, your children would want to see you happy. I'm sure it's just an anger thing- they don't want to see you with someone who is not their dad. Why don't you sit down and have a talk with your kids as to why they don't like your SO? I mean, if they have valid reasons- that'd be one thing. But if it's just "I don't like him", well that's not acceptable. Almost grown or not- you're still the parent. :) Good luck to you mama!

    Answer by SAHMomOf3 at 11:58 AM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Maybe the kids need to grow up NOw and realize that their parents have found true happiness and they have to deal with it. If they have that big of a problem with the situation then they need to go to their other parents home or something. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold or potentially lose it due to their selfishness.
    I think it's time to give both of your children a dose of reality and sit them down and say this is happening... deal.

    Answer by Memigen at 12:00 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Memigen took the words right out of my mouth. You should consider your kids feelings and definitely talk to them about it but if they are old enough (teens) to not be "confused" then it's no longer their business. I'm sure they don't know want you telling them who to date, right?

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 12:02 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I'm just wondering what problem the kids are having, because that would determine my advice. I don't really know which direction to go. If they have a problem with you guys being with each other, since it's one of yours and one of his, then you need to sit them down and have a long discussion. They may have gotten together and decided to break you up. For what ever reason, and you can't let them do that. If they are just angry because they don't want you to be with someone other their their bio parent, then maybe talking with the other bio parents may help. You guys deserve to be happy, and IF this is the issue, then you can't let them be little shits. If it's more complicated then that, then seeking therapy would be a good idea. But either way, you deserve to be happy. This man just might be the love of your life. And your kids should come first, but they should want you to be happy. And being a snot is just a phase.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:10 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • How do the other kids feel about it? How did they feel about you dating, and living together? What about the break up? Maybe if they approved of the relationship, they can help ease the other two into it. There really is no reason for the two families to not blend. It just takes a little extra work. But don't give up, that's not fair. And it's not fair that you have to sneak around. What's gonna happen when you get caught? The one's that think they broke you up are going to really have shit fits then. So you probably should come clean soon. And take a stand. Get the other bio parents involved. If you can. The kids need to be ok with the relationship, but at the same time, they are the kids, and you are the parents. They don't get to make the decisions. You do. And you deserve the happiness. He rocks your world, remember?

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:15 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • No, it's not healthy to be secretly dating. It's not good for anyone involved.

    Answer by caseyandkids at 12:43 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

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