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Do you think I am crazy for wanting it to work?

I have been in a relationship for 9 years, and I love him dearly but in July I moved on my own. He has raised my daughters, and we have two children together. We never married, although he wanted too I just felt it is a peace of paper-my opinion so don't get offended and when I do get married I want it to last forever.

Reason leaving, he is jealous all the time-I never gave him reason to be, he is too strict-diffrent culture, and it all changed when we had our children together before then it was not the same.

Now he is trying hard to win us back, he pays child support, does more with the kids, and I am not talking about him moving in next week, but he said he wants to buy a house together and get married. Do you think I am crazy for wanting the man I love? They say if you change it could cause a domino effect, but you can't change anyone else. :) I know I can't change him, but pray and hope you guys pray he realizes..

 
KFree907

Asked by KFree907 at 12:07 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,947 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Here's my advice. He's trying to change, which is awesome. It's not going to happen over night, and he will relapse. He's like his mother, and he needs to decide to NOT be like her, or he will continue to be just like her.
    If I were you, I wouldn't buy a house just yet, or get married. Get engaged, but don't get married. Not until ya'll get things worked out. Not until he can work on himself enough so that you can live with the way he is, happily. You aren't crazy. It's natural to want to be with the man you love, it's natural to want him to be more agreeable if he isn't. I hope is efforts pay off. And you guys can work through it all. GL!
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:32 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • No, I don't think you're crazy - but I don't think you're being very realistic either if you expect it to work. It already failed, and for good reasons.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 12:41 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • "He just needs to loosen up"

    great - you've decided what he needs.
    ever hear that you can't change another person?

    I agree, not realistic.
    3boysandmekmcd

    Answer by 3boysandmekmcd at 1:08 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • If you really and truly love him and want it to work out, then I say give him a second chance and try again. I would advise you keep separate houses (for now), and take the relationship slowly, go out on dates, re-connect with each other and talk. Talk about what went wrong, what you both can do to fix it and make it right (or make it even better than it was). I would also think about going to couples counseling as well. It takes time to change, and it will take both of you doing your part and working at it. I hope everything works out for you and I wish you luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:34 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • So his faults are that he is jealous and strict and from a different culture than you? What do you mean by jealous, I mean if he's yelling at you and controlling where you go and when then thats bad. But if its more like he just wants to know where your going, what your doing, and knows that you are a catch and doesn't want to lose you then thats fine. Just find ways to make him KNOW without a doubt that he is the one you are with. Do little things that show you care (leave a card or note for no reason etc)

    Strict? Do you mean strict on you? Like he is controlling you? Thats bad, but if you mean strict on the kids as in not letting them act up and makes them responsible for their actions, but not beating or meaning verbally abusive then thats okay too.

    Cultural differences? What kind.
    Without knowing anything more specific about your situation I would say you are NOT crazy, he's not so bad.
    mrspierce06

    Answer by mrspierce06 at 12:13 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I think he fears I will meet someone else, he does not say no you can't go anywhere he just pouts when I do. Or won't talk to me for 3 days. It is fustrating.

    Strict, meaning too strict, with the kids. Don't show enough love, or give them quality time, don't like to go to games or anything, even was laid off for a month, he said he was tired from doing nothing. no he never beat them.

    His mother was very strict, didn't even hang his pictures up and show she cared, she loved him but never showed it. to his mom RiP she was doing her best being a single mom.
    KFree907

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 12:18 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Culture, He is very his way or nothing and because he is the dad-hispanic very strong, yet cold-not bad, and my parents are irish very loving and understanding.

    NOT ALL PR'S ARE LIKE THAT SO DON'T GET OFFENDED. I mean raised diffrent
    KFree907

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 12:21 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • From what I've read it sounds like this guy is a decent enough guy he just had some hangups to work through. If you want to try again, which is natural, then you make that choice for yourself. Go slow, don't move in together right away, and keep your eyes open for signs that he has not changed. Change doesn't happen overnight for anyone, so don't get upset if he slips sometimes. Just keep reminding him what will make the relationship work and go from there. If in the end it doesn't work then at least you gave it a good try. Just take it slow.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:35 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I am being realistic: I will tell you why,

    We did rush but we love each other, and when times get rough, he is always their showing his love, unfortunatly that is the only time. Hopefully he will realize. I am far from perfect, but I know that to make things work sometimes you have to work hard. I am not ready to give up and won't....
    Relationships are not easy but he does not beat me, cheat on me, beat my kids. He just needs to loosen up and know I don't expect it over night-but I don't plan on going anywhere soon and I want it too work.

    KFree907

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 12:51 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Can't change another person,

    You are right about that I know I can't, I am not an idiot!

    I also know I can change my self, and he could change him self. I am not trying to change him, I know I might have to move on but unlike some people I am doing everything possible before I do move on.
    SORRY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BUT I AM BEING REALISTIC.... YOU SHOULD READ THOURLY BEFORE YOU ANSWER ANYTHING.
    My friend left her marriage 4 years ago, now they are back together, and happy. She never stopped loving him and he never stopped loving her.
    KFree907

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 2:15 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

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