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he doesnt think i should be mad.....

last night dh went to his friends house and said he would ne home at 9. i called him at 9:30 and he says one more i call at 10:30 and he says im listening to one more song. i wake up at 3am and hes still not home! i got pissed and called him and said you need to come home now. he did and he says that he just got caught up. they have a band and were writing music. he says i don tunderstand, i said apperantly he doesnt understand that we are married. thismorning hes like are you still mad at me and when i said yes he got mad! grrrr! we have 5 kids between the two of us! and im 4 months pregnant! he cant do this shit! but he doesnt seem to think i should be upset. what should i do?


Asked by cassie_m at 12:48 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,331 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I would definitely be mad! For sure! I have actually been in this situation, kind of.. I let him know I was mad as hell & I didn't appreciate him acting this way.. He hasn't done it sense. There just needs to be some communication between the two of you.

    And to the ANON that said "5 kids and one on the way? Sounds like you're both irresponsible and immature"

    Thats the stupidest thing I have ever heard!! What does having a lot of kids have to do with being irresponsible and immature? She was home taking care of her children..sounds pretty responsible and mature to me!

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:59 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Actually, he can "do this shit". He just did. He shouldn't. But he can. He can also believe you shouldn't be upset. He's wrong, but he's entitled to his opinion.
    He's behaving as if he's a single guy. He's responding as if he's entitled to behave as if he's a single guy. It's up to you to decide how you want to respond to that.

    Answer by caseyandkids at 12:51 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Apparently he can. After all, he did. And, according to you, he does often.

    Answer by 3boysandmekmcd at 1:05 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • LOL! Yep, he can. Did. But I think the two of you need to have a talk and come to some decisions about how you're going to handle things like individual recreation time from now on.

    Answer by snivic at 1:11 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Let it blow over and then you need to have a sit down talk about responsibility. Rather than to set a curfew for him, ask him what he thinks is a resonable amount of time for him to spend out on his own (hobbies and such) and then tell him that you require the same consideration. See if you can find a middle ground.
    I don't see that this is an issue if it happens infrequently but he did tell you that he would be home at a certain time and he should have held that up.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:52 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I agree with Zoeyis.... Does he leave after the kids are in bed? Do you ever get a chance to get away? These are some questions I would ask also, if the kids are in bed, and you are sleeping, does it really affect you if he is doing something that he enjoys. I can understand the frustration as my SO also pursue a music career, but eveyone needs some way to release or they will blow up, and with five kids and one on the way I think you both may be very stressed. I would tell him that you also need time to get away, you can not do it all by yourself and you need relaxation time. Come up with days that it is OK for him to do something and days that would work for you. It's all about compromise.

    Answer by sheloveearth at 1:02 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • You should maybe consider talking to him about having alone time for him to play and alone time for you to play. Don't freak out, you're married with 5 kids.... and one on the way no reason to blow a fuse....

    Answer by littlestar85257 at 12:50 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • It seems to me you're more upset about the lying and forgetting (I have the same issue with my hubby from time to time) so tell him that. Tell him its not where he was or what he was doing, it was that he lied about when he'd get home and didn't care enough to watch the time. Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't have gone to sleep at all (I worry) so I'd have ragged on him even more! haha.

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 12:52 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Not siding against you, but try to understand he probably was telling the truth. When your really into something you like doing and its an escape you do tend to get caught up and lose track of time. He probly had no idea what time it was. You two need to just come to a compromise you can both live with, so your both getting something of what you want. Maybe a promise to be home by midnight. Something like that.

    Try talking to him as an adult and not with anger and he'll respond more positively.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 12:56 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • accept he thinks this is ok regularly! no matter how iften i get mad about it. and i dont get time away....ever! he wiont let me leave our 15 month old with him. like hes affraid to watch her or something.

    Comment by cassie_m (original poster) at 12:51 PM on Sep. 3, 2010