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How do i get him to stop lying?

My six year old boy lies all the time and weve tries everything to get him to stop. I just dont understand at all he knows that mom and dad dont like it and that he will get in trouble but its like he just cant seem to help himself. What do i do,say how do i punish him, get him to understand how bad and danagerous lying can be. I'm so lost.

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D3283003

Asked by D3283003 at 2:02 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 6 (112 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Is he lying because he's hiding something and doesn't want to get in trouble? Is he lying by telling over indulgent stories? I think there is a difference. I'd be concerned if he's lying because he's hiding things from you for fear he'll get in trouble, to me that would mean he doesn't trust me or he's scared of me.
    If he's telling stories that just aren't true about people or places etc...that's almost normal...kids have active imaginations. You can funnel that and teach him the difference between stories and reality.
    However if its the first issue, you need to start talking about why he lies if you haven't, reassure him that lying is worse than telling the truth. When he tells the truth praise him for not lying but still stick with the consequence. My boys had to learn over time that the consequence is far less if you tell me the first time versus having me find out.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:12 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • My 6yo DS doesnt lie. He tells the truth/story the way he wished it had happened.! LOL I can watch him do or say something and he will deny with his last breath it didn't happen. He isn't being malicious or deceitful, he just wants a different outcome. We have had success with Caught Being Good coupons. We found them at the craft store in the teacher supplies. But you can make your own. Al helped us pick what is on them. A few are: a pop with dinner, 30 minutes of computer time, scoop of ice cream before dinner. Fun easy things that are a good motivator to be respectful and honest. It must be a boy thing.
    babyboyzz

    Answer by babyboyzz at 2:19 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • he lies about things to avoid geting in trouble. little things that he wouldnt get in trouble for in the first place.and its more then just saying he didnt do he makes up storys to try and get out of it.
    D3283003

    Comment by D3283003 (original poster) at 3:10 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • With mine, the original bad behavior has one consequence. If they try to hide it with a lie, the consequence for the lie is much larger and is added to the first. In other words, they then get 2 (and much worse) punishments.
    Seems each of them has tested this a time or two, but it put a stop to the lying pretty quickly.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 3:20 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I read that lying can be a sign of adhd has anyone ever heard of that
    D3283003

    Comment by D3283003 (original poster) at 4:01 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I've heard lying being associated with adhd AND Asperger's Syndrome. My son has AS and he has a problem lying when he is stressed or feels cornered. If he gets in trouble a lot and I fail to reward him or notice when he's good, he starts acting worse and worse and he starts lying. I hate it when they lie about things they wouldn't get in trouble for anyway. Then I have to punish him! Try talking to him in a quiet, non-judgmental setting, like on his bed right before bedtime. See if he feels stressed in some way or if there's a problem going on he's trying to work out. I also try to teach my son that when he lies a lot it becomes his personality and people see him as a liar, and then nobody can trust him anymore. I used to tell him the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" almost every day!! And NOT the Super Why version, the one where it was actually the boy's fault for telling a lie.
    Laura2U

    Answer by Laura2U at 4:47 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Punish the original offense, punish the lie, and stop looking for excuses. A lie is not acceptable, whatever the reason. And if he can get away with it, he will.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 5:08 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • My question is why does he need to lie so often. If he does it a lot, could it be he's doing it for attention or something. My children have lied on various occasions but I usually found out about it and we had some long discussions about the situation that lead to them lying about it.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 5:29 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I'm not making up excuses i'm tring to look out for my son if its simply lying then fine i can handle it but if it could be more i wanna know. I'm sure to some point hes doing it for attention. but in doing it hes getting the wrong attention
    D3283003

    Comment by D3283003 (original poster) at 7:19 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • My question is why does he need to lie so often. If he does it a lot, could it be he's doing it for attention or something.

    ***
    Are you a strict parent?! If so, then your son knows this, and even though he has misbehaved and knows he is in trouble, he would rather "roll the dice" and try and lie his way out of it...instead of facing your wrath!!! LOL :o)

    Both of my sons have mild autism, and are always quick to deny they had any involvement in doing anything wrong, but eventually I get the truth out of them! My husband and I are strict yet fair and consistent. We are strict because our children take everything very literally, so we have the advantage of setting really good ground rules and boundaries which they usually follow to the letter, but sometimes they break them, and when they do, they understand why they are losing certain privileges (our punishment system). Part of me still likes seeing typical boy behavior!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:11 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

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