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3 Bumps

How do I get my boyfriend to grow up?

He goes to the club every weekend, leaving me me at home. We are expecting our first baby in January. It's like he's putting the club before the baby and me...

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waiting4jaydin

Asked by waiting4jaydin at 3:42 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • You don't. That is something he has to do on his own. It seems to take some guys a lot longer to grow up and some never actually do. I would just let him know that it is not the life that you want to introduce your little one to and maybe he will get the hint.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 3:43 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • well he is about to have most of his freedom taken from him, i know it sucks that you beng pregnant are restricted and cant go clubbing, but he only has a short time to play left. i would be thankful its just the weekends. my dh will go out 4-5 nights a week. to play music with his band but still comes home drunk, lastnight it was 3 am. you shuold express that this behavior will have to change when the baby comes.
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 3:45 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Honey, some men never grow up! but that is not something you should put up with , he does it because you put up with it, commitment is a two way street. Put a stop to it now or you will deal with it the rest of your life with him.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:45 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • It really is up to him to want to change. You could talk to him until youre blue in the face. I personally wouldnt put up with it.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 3:46 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Tell him it's time to take responsibility for his actions! Did you get pregnant on your own? Of course not, he got you pregnant and now it's time to grow the hell up! Just because he can drink and isn't carrying this child doesn't mean that his life gets to go on as normal. That's BS and it pisses me off when guys do that shit! Put your damn foot down and say NO!
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 3:46 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Ehhh...when my boyfriend-my now-husband-and I found out we were pregnant, he wasn't exactly Mr. Dad right then...but he explained it like this-a woman is way more involved in a pregnancy so its more real to them. You feel pregnant, they just hear about pregnancy. You feel the baby kick first, get to puke all day, get to eat weird foods...they just kinda get to see all that from afar-or the bathroom when they're holding your hair back.

    I'd give him some time after the baby comes. If he's young, and if he's going to the club I hope he is because nothing is more disturbing then seeing a 40 year old at the club-he might just not know how to be involved. Even if you tell him. Young guys get sheepish around bellies. They're all about you being naked but then stick a fetus in there and they get all weird.

    If he STILL doesn't come around after the baby's born, kick him to the curb. Trust me, you don't want to end up raising TWO!
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 3:47 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Oh, also, why don't you go to the club with him? Just because you're pregnant, doesn't mean you can't have any fun now...go out while you can!
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 3:48 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • You cant change him. Hopefully he'll change after the baby is born but dont hold your breath.
    browningmom

    Answer by browningmom at 3:50 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I would show him that you are serious. Maybe leave for a week or so to let him know that he needs to spend more time being responsible.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 3:50 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Simple answer, you CAN'T!! It's impossible to force that on someone even if you think they should. I'd leave him now and make him see what he's going to miss out. Sometimes a wake up call will get them to start thinking about growing up. Good luck!
    Aingls

    Answer by Aingls at 3:50 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

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