Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Is it wrong for me to want my 22yr old son to move out? He just moved back in after being away for almost a yr and now he is back and I really can't wait for him to leave again. Feeling guilty

He left his girlfriend to go back to his baby's mama and says they are getting a place together with their daughter(little Kenzie lives with me also) the mother lives with her family. I really can't wait for him to leave I love my son but he is getting on my nerves. P.S. I don't care for the mother but that is his choice to be with her.

Answer Question
 
pegart

Asked by pegart at 3:50 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (50 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • no its not wrong of you. He is obviously already an adult and needs to get his act together and grow up and move out. can't always be depending on mommy for everything. Help him find a place to live and a job and then get him out of your house and on his own. tough love may be tough but it will help him in the long run :P
    DreainCO

    Answer by DreainCO at 3:54 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • First off I think its very commendable he is trying to get his family together even if you dont like the childs mom. It dosent matter if you dont like her. I think its sad you dont being that thats you grandchilds mother. If it were me I would do anything I could ( letting him stay there, save money, for the family to be reunited. Give him a time line if you dont want him there.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 3:54 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • NO GUILT.


    At 22 he SHOULD be out.


    Seems as if he made some... interesting... life choices. So I suppose the traditional, college, job, marriage, house, kids, etc... isnt what he is on track for. But that doesnt mean he should be living off you. 


     Dont feel guilty at all... these are HIS life choices.. not yours.  Give him a time line to be out.  Be positive, encouraging, and happy for him.  But dont let an adult child live off you.  It is time for him to stand on his own.


     


    LOL... easy for me to say - huh!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I see nothing wrong with wanting him out.

    Actually I give you credit.. You are a much more understanding (for lack of a better word at the momen) mother than I am. Because if my son where in that position, and going through those things. He would not be living with me.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:58 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • don't feel guilty.............he is an adult and should be providing for himself now.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:04 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I'd give him a deadline to get out...its not like he lost his job and was evicted because he couldn't pay his rent. I moved out of my house when I was 18 and haven't lived with family since. My husband and I had our son when we were young and have always been able to work things out, no drama or anything like that-that's what adults and parents do. Now, if my husband lost his job, we might need to stay with family for awhile-but we wouldnt just live there. We'd pay what we could afford to help out and earn our keep in other ways. What does he do that gets on your nerves?
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 4:08 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Just wondering why you let him move back in to begin with. I don't think I would have. Sometimes, the only way to encourage our young adults to grow up is to make them have to face up to life in the real world. Knowing they can come back home whenever they choose is kind of a deterrent to forcing them to grow up, I think. I wouldn't wait for him to decide to leave again, but I would just set a deadline by which time he has to be gone. Maybe I'm old and cantankerous but I like my peace and quiet and I don't enjoy having to deal with a lot of excess drama. So, I would just tell him he has to take his somewhere else.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:15 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Your parenting does not stop at the legal age, it should never stop, my kids are welcome in my house at any time and any age. Ever wonder where the guilt comes from?
    older

    Answer by older at 4:15 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • You obviously have some guilt issues stemming from your past, but he is grown now so you cannot make up for lost time. He is a grown man and he needs to start taking care of himself. I think it is nice he wants to put his family back, but right now you should help guide him with this. Just listen to his needs. Just let him know that he must come up with a plan with a time frame in it as to how long will it take him to get on his feet and raise his own family. Negotiate that terms with him. He is going to get on your nerves...he is you!! I know that you want to do what's best and sometimes that means letting him spread his wings. Just sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel as you did here, but much more gentler. He will love you for it someday. God bless and good luck. Pray on it.
    Saprena

    Answer by Saprena at 6:00 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • no way! That's totally cool
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:52 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.