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please no bashing I am not trying to be races or anything like that I promise, but how do I teach my 5 year old between white and black?

She started kindergarden the first time Wednesday and when she got hom I asked her how her day was. She begins to tell me then she tells me she was playing with this black girl. I asked what her name was? She said she didn't remember. Then she goes she is black mommy she isn't like me she is diffrent. I let it go, but then she keeps refering to her as the black girl. So I then tell her you know in God's eyes we are no diffrent we are all the same. Then she goes I know, but she is still diffrent. I don't think she understood me at all lol. But I hate that she keeps refering to her as the black girl. How can I teacher her?

 
mommy5409

Asked by mommy5409 at 8:29 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (17)
  • Kids that age just call it as they see it. Brown, black, tan, white (red if they are sunburned!) To her she is just a friend that is a different color, she doesn't care about cultural differences...We should all be like that.
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 8:31 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • my son does the same thing, and we're light skinned black lol. he calls people our color tan, pale people are pale and dark skinned people are black.... i told him to call people by their names and so far that has worked. i don't think she is doing it to be mean, just give her another way to remember the girl (her name lol)
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:33 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • she's just describing her because she can't remember her name. teaching her "the difference" might make her more receptive to it, thus creating problems. What's there to teach at that age?
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 8:33 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • At this age, kids just see differences in appearance - there isn't a judgement behind it until adults start teaching them otherwise. I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it. I am guessing in the coming weeks they will become friends and it will be a nonissue. Encourage her to learn her new friends' name when they go back to school on Tuesday. Otherwise, don't sweat it. Clearly you are teaching her the values that are important, and she will get it.
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 8:33 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • We all see race, you can't teach someone not too. The difference is that as adults we know not to define someone by their race. As a child children don't know that, however, they also don't see race as a negative thing the way some adults do either. If it bothers you, tell her you want to know the girls real name, and then start correcting when she said "black girl" by using the girls name in place... She'll catch on to the idea of using a name rather than a color...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:34 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • My neice did something quite similar...only to overweight people. In the video store she announced "Look at that lady! Shes so big!! Not like you, your small... but she is HUGE!"
    We just made it a point to not "point" or call attention to peoples features (fat, small, color, smell, etc)
    stenhouse_baby

    Answer by stenhouse_baby at 8:34 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • my step son is the same way. i told him not to call anyone by the color of their skin. I know he didnt mean any harm but its just not the thing to do/say.
    suzzanna

    Answer by suzzanna at 8:35 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • ok I understand lol. I have to remember she is only a kid lol. I just hate when people (adults) prefure to them as that black prson lol. I get so madf at my DH because he is races and I try telling him to not teach or kids that way I want them to like everyone equally I don't want them to see someone as color. So I guess I am just trying my hardest to not have my girls pick up stuff like that lol. I know they are still young.
    mommy5409

    Comment by mommy5409 (original poster) at 8:37 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • It's ok that she noticed the difference. Kids categorize. She doesn't mean any harm.

    If you want her to think of the black girl as something other than "the black girl", why not get to know her? Meet her new friend, invite her and her mom on a playdate. She'll soon see that they're much more the same than different.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 8:39 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • It's ok that she noticed the difference. Kids categorize. She doesn't mean any harm.

    If you want her to think of the black girl as something other than "the black girl", why not get to know her? Meet her new friend, invite her and her mom on a playdate. She'll soon see that they're much more the same than different.

    How do I do this? The school sent home a handbook and in the handbook kids aren't aloud to give out any kind of invitation so they don't hurt the feelings of the other kids there and I don' pick her up a bus brings her home (I don't drive)
    mommy5409

    Comment by mommy5409 (original poster) at 8:41 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

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