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2 Bumps

How should I feel about my boyfriend and porn? adult content

My boyfriend sneeks around watching porn which is starting to bug me. I never cared because men watch porn and it never has bothered me. I have even told him that I watch it somtimes. But he lies about it when I ask him and I see it left on the computer. It also bugs me because I have to beg him to have sex most of the time and then he is just going off and pleasing himself. Its making me feel like somthings wrong with me. But then at the same time I just keep telling myself.... hes just a guy and guys like porn. I just want to get some opinions on this and if other women can relate.

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Cglass13

Asked by Cglass13 at 8:33 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Have you told him what you just told us here??? I know it's awkward, but it might be a good conversation to have with him!

    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 8:35 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • someone, probably his mother, made him feel ashamed about it at some point. or he's into something he thinks you're not going to be into, like feet. my husband has a thing for asian women apparently and thats why he was sneaking around looking at it, he thought i'd get upset because i'm white...men have weird ways of rationalizing things,

    Did you specifically tell him that it bothers you that he doesn't want to have sex with you but then will go and masturbate to porn? He might not even be making the connection. Like I said, they rationalize things weird.
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 8:36 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Normally I would say, I wouldn't worry about him watching, but if you beg him to have sex and he doesn't seem interested in pleasuring you then I think you should have a talk with him about it, tell him how you feel
    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 8:38 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • sounds like he has issues with porn. maybe he has a strange fetish that he doesn't want you to know or he realizes that he has a porn addiction and trying to hide that as well. i would also assume that he doesn't get off without whatever his fetish is in play and since you don't know that fetish is he can't get off with you. seems really odd that he isn't having sex with you so that is the only thing i can figure is wrong. i hate that saying he is just a guy. my man doesn't look at porn. it's not something that has to be in a mans life. it obviously is hurting your relationship so it is an issue now. it shouldn't be just ignored or renationalized. you know there is a huge problem here if it is preventing you guys from being intimate with each other.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:38 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • this was going on with DH and I for a while. DH and I hardly ever had sex. He was watching porn and when I asked about it he lied to me. I use to care that he looked at it, but I think mostly because he would lie to me. Now it is better he doesn't keep sex from me since I told him it doesn't bother me what bothers me is that he lies to me about it when I ask. I also told him to not keep it from me so now he will watch it and he comes up to me after watching it. Maybe he is imbarrassed or he is afraid you wont approve of it.
    mommy5409

    Answer by mommy5409 at 8:45 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I do think you need to talk to him about it, let him know that you are hurt and upset about him sneaking around with the porn and letting porn (and self pleasure) take the place of your love life. Have you thought about watching porn with him? Maybe if you are there it might put him in the mood for love (instead of self help). I don't know if he would give up the porn completely, or if counseling for porn addiction would be something he would do..... but it might be something to consider. I hope everything works out for you.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:49 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Not all men watch porn. My ex used to watch it, we used to watch it together but for some reason it started to bother me. I talked to him about it and out of respect for me, he stopped.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:56 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • i can relate yo you cause i have the same problem in my relationship. but he tells me that it is not me it's just that he likes to look but he would never touch
    cindyhooker

    Answer by cindyhooker at 8:58 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • Thank you veryone this realy helps hearing your thoughts
    Cglass13

    Comment by Cglass13 (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • this is what I told mine just when I was having this same problem recently

    Me: Hey honey can I tell you something without you getting upset?
    Him: Of course whats up?
    Me: Well I don't ever want you thinking you need to hide things from me.
    Him: What makes you think I'm hiding something?
    Me: Well I was reading on cafemom last night where alot of women are finding their men looking at porn and I just don't ever want you to feel like you have to hide that from me. I mean it's just porn, all guys do, and it's really no biggie to me.
    Him: Ok well I'm not but ok.
    Me: I mean I don't ever want you hiding anything from me as far as that goes. I want you to know and feel you can come and talk to me or tell me anything and everything.
    Him: Ok honey, and I know that.

    Once we had that conversation, just about 3 weeks ago or so, he has stopped looking at porn.
    Hope this helps.
    momof3xthefun

    Answer by momof3xthefun at 9:50 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

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