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3 Bumps

how do you get past infidelity

My husband had an affair 4 years ago and i still have not forgiven him

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Asked by jomicahsmom at 9:17 PM on Sep. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • You probably never will, it takes time and you have had plenty of that and hard work on both behalfs to change the way your relationship, for infidelity can happen in any relationship but most often in "troubled" ones. Have you had any counseling? A step I had to take when this well a form of infidelity happened to me was to find out everything about it, He had to explain everything that happened and why, once I knew everything there was to know hurtful to me or not it helped. And I also had to put myself in his shoes as well, why did he feel he had to go down that road etc, In the end we werent right for eachother and it came out, I hope if your love is strong you'll make it through but remember no matter what happens wasn't YOUR fault. It happens to everyone, movie stars, models and us regular girls.

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 9:23 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • get remarried with new vowes,,and no matter how hard it is never bring it up ever,,no matter how mad u get and u want to hurt him,,never bring it up...getting remarried will help out alot,espacialy if he wants to prove to u that he loves u that much to marry u twice..

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:23 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • my husband did the same thing. i've forgiven, but not forgotten. i told him we'd try to move past it provided he never spoke to that person again, and don't give me anything to worry about. i still worry, don't get me wrong, but i love him and i know we'll work through it in time. the longer he behaves and doesn't give me anything to worry about, the more it will fade into insignificance.

    Answer by Tigrlily07 at 9:25 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • MY S/O did also but with someone in my family i never forgave him and now i live alone which b/t/w is not so bad

    Answer by cielo1 at 9:27 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I wouldn't. I can put up with a lot of things, but infidelity isn't one of them. We took vows and they meant something. My husband has told me that he's been attracted to other people, but we talked about it and worked through it. If he hadn't brought it to my attention and had cheated...I would have left. Im a good woman and deserve to be treated like that and so do you!

    Answer by erinwhitt at 9:29 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • I don't think you can ever get over infidelity. It is something that you will always be in the back of your mind regardless of whether you forgave him or not.

    Answer by missthang42001 at 9:32 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • You don't. You divorce the sob and get on with life. Just what I'd do mind you. Once that trust is lost I don't believe you can ever get it back.

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 9:44 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • it's hard to forgive someone who cheated but for your peace of mind and peace in your soul you really have to forgive to forgive him.

    Answer by moxiema at 11:02 PM on Sep. 3, 2010

  • My ex husband cheated on me multiple times and it took me a while to get over it but getting divorced helped and counseling

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 12:40 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Yes, you can get past infidelity.
    This is by far the biggest hurdle most relationships will ever have to face. Many folks do not try to resolve this issue, and many who try, find it too difficult to succeed. Getting past a breach of trust like this is extremely difficult, but not impossible. It takes an enormous amount of work, soul searching, and faith to achieve.
    For myself, my spouse cheated and a baby was produced 2 weeks older than my own. Since he cheated on his birthday, he wanted to erase his birthday to make up his failing. I insisted that the very next year we had the biggest bash ever. Why? Because erasing his birthday would have only enshrined the act. So I made sure I would not give any more than I had to to that issue. It was hard, and I brought it up for years before I truly had left it behind me. But, 15+ years later, I have no issues with that time and I truly know this will not be repeated.

    Answer by WyndenSkie at 2:32 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

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