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Threesome?

Hubby and I decided to have a threesome about a year ago. We put an ad on line and were deluged with responses. Over the perios of a few weeks, we met several guys out in public places to get to know them a little. Long story made short, we ended up having "encounters" with three different guys and settled on number 3 for a longer term arrangement for about the last 8 months. Well, it has been amazing, but was oncce just physical thing where this guy is concerned has become much more. I am in love with him, but also still in love with my DH. I've tried to talk to DH and he says its just infatuation and that it will pass and as long as I don't tell the guy, its no problem. I'm worried that what was just meant to be good times is becoming desctructive and that DH is more concerned with fun than our marriage. Thoughts?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Sep. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • is it possible that your dh also has feelings for him?
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:31 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • think that maybe you are just infatuated also. You shouldn't have contnued the threesomes with just him. You should have experimented with multiple people. Sex involves horomones and other emotions which can cause you to become emotionally involved in a way you don't intend to.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 10:33 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • You need to sit your DH down and make sure he understands exactly how you feel. You also need to very closely examine how you truly feel for this other guy because your DH could be right, it really could just be infatuation. Think about it before you do anything though. How would you feel if your DH left you? Is it worth it? Does this other guy feel the same about you as you do about him? Is it really "love"? If you truly feel it is, then you need to make your decision but either way someone is going to get hurt in this situation so think and act carefully. Your DH had to know this could happen when you guys started, and maybe he's just in denial about how you really feel. Either way, talk to him and don't tell the other guy until you are 100% sure you know what you want. Good luck (oh and if you and DH do work it out, I would stop the threesomes immediately!)
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 10:33 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I think its very brave of you to be so open with your DH. I think if you want your marriage to work you need to cut your "partner" out so you can focus purely on your DH. Tell your DH that you want your marriage to continue being about the two of you- and if and when things look up the two of you can contact your partner again- otherwise I think your jepordizing your marriage & husband which will make things more complicated in the end!
    pinkcicle709

    Answer by pinkcicle709 at 10:35 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • When you open yourself up to the possibility of letting other people in to your relationship/marriage, you invite the chance for crap like this to happen. I've been there myself, though it was myself & my ex with another woman. Yeah, it starts out fun and awesome, but you might notice that, a lot of times, your genitalia tends to be hard-wired to your heart-strings, especially when you REALLY don't want them to be.

    Now, for some people, multiple-love works for them. I knew some people that the married couple were very much in love with each other, but they were both also very much in love with the extra woman, and she loved them in return, so it worked for them for a time until the extra woman figured out what an overly-ego'd douche the guy was.

    I somehow don't see this happening in your relationship.

    So here is where you need to make a choice............
    PaganMommy04

    Answer by PaganMommy04 at 10:35 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Who do you love the most? If it's your DH, then you need to back off from this other dude at the very least until you get shit worked out, but then again, do you really think you could continue with this guy again without those feelings rearing back up?

    Ultimately, you three need to sit down and have a serious talk and figure out what to do. It involves all three of you, it's only fair that all three of you discuss what the next step is.
    PaganMommy04

    Answer by PaganMommy04 at 10:37 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • This is why these types of sexual immorality are destructive to marriages. Did you honestly not expect something like this to happen bringing a 3rd person into your marriage? Sorry, tough situation. Best of luck, sounds like a big mess that's going to very hard to come out of since your dh is into it too.
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 10:42 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Of course you are going to start developing feelings for this guy, you are being intimate with him!!! Sorry, but marriages are meant for TWO people only - inviting a third person in, whether for fun or anything else, is bound to destroy the bond between you and your spouse. If you want to stay married to your husband, it's time to turn the threesome back into a twosome. And get some counseling while you're at it. No normal husband would want to share their wife with someone else.
    MommaofH2

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 10:48 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I've been the third person in a marriage, and it was very nice. They both cared for me deeply, and I cared for both of them. I've also been in poly-amorous relationships that worked. (My girlfriend and I loved each other, but each had a boyfriend) These sorts of relationships only work if you're on the same page. If you do truly love this man and your husband understands, fine. I don't really see the problem. It is completely possible to love more than one person at once, there's nothing wrong with that! The problem comes in when you want to leave your husband for the boyfriend. Talk things over with your husband more in depth, maybe you can come to an agreement or realization.
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 11:23 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I wouldn't have stuck with the one guys. We like to change it up to keep the threesome just a threesome for the fun and nothing that get to attached. I also think it is just infatuation. I think you should take a break from the other guy and just consintrate on your husband and see how you feel about the other guy after that. If you do still think you love him then I would have a serious sit down with the DH. I hope it all works out for you.
    Tab2

    Answer by Tab2 at 11:28 AM on Sep. 4, 2010

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