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2 Bumps

How do I connect better to my boyfriend's kids?

It is absolutely driving me nuts! I show them the same attention and love as my own kids when they are here on the weekends, but still after 6 months of being in their lives, they act like I don't exist sometimes, or when I try to hug them or kiss them act they hide or sulk away. His 2 year daughter is the worst. She rolls her eyes at me and gives me attitude almost everytime I talk to her, whether it's good or bad. My boyfriend has talked to them about it time and time again, but it doesn't seem to help. His 4 year old son, has warmed up a little, he wants hugs sometimes, but usually won't just come up to me to get them on his own and still shys away if I just look at him. I don't understand, because my kids are all over my boyfriend and have accepted him as a part of the family and treat him as if he were their dad.
I don't know if their mom is filling their head with lies or confusing them or what is going on. Help!

 
kicknscreamn222

Asked by kicknscreamn222 at 2:25 PM on Sep. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (203 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • keep giving time... 6 months is really not that long esp. when they see you only on weekends... think about it that's 8 days a month maybe .... so in truth they've known you just over a month...
    maybe looking at it that way will help with the frustration.... just stay chill, kinda be like with a cat. (let them come to you) and keep on going ....
    my son is my social butterfly and will warm up to people MUCH quicker than dd ... with her basically it's like a cat... just kinda "ignore" and wait till she's ready. (My ds is the one that said he was like a dog and lil sis like a cat and its helped when trying to explain to people that she needs to go at her own pace)
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 7:35 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • You're not their mother or their father's wife. Their mother doesn't have to be filing their head with anything for them to not want much to do with you. They might even not be thrilled because they only get a daddy on the weekend and your kids have him all the time. You should not try to force anything on them especially considering their ages. They are way too young to accept daddy's girlfriend as a part of their lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I know this may sound off to some, but let them come to you.....the relationship is still pretty new to them and even tho they see you on the weekend, it really isn't enough time to get to know you. They really dont understand what is going on and if they did, they are being really cautious. I went through it growing up and sometimes the boyfriends and eventually step father tried too hard and I just resented it and pushed him away. Now if he would have let me get to know him and let me and my sisters adjust some maybe things would had been different. Till this day I do not have a good relationship with my step father and being my Mom passed away a few years ago...it sucks.
    Please just let them take their time and come to you...
    flcouple7577

    Answer by flcouple7577 at 2:31 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I would say it might not be just you it might just be the fact that your bf is bringing another 'mom' figure into their lives and hey may not feel comfortable with that. if your giving them attention and being nice to them then I dont see why they wouldnt like you. Especially being younger kids they might feel like your trying to be their mommy and take her place. When kids are older I think it is easier to understand how couples separate and find new people to fall in love with. Because they themselves have relationships and understand. As far as being 2 and 4 they probably dont understand. Thats good that the son is warming up to you. give them some time and just ccontinue what your doing and they will realize that your not trying to take their moms place and they can like you. goodl uck :)
    OliviasMommy614

    Answer by OliviasMommy614 at 2:33 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • You know I really don't appreciate the comments that obviously come from someone angry either in the experience now or having had it as a child. I was a child of a divorced home and both of my parents did the wrong thing of telling me how bad the other was, especially my mother. I have also seen it with many friends, not to mention I work in the social work and education fields. But even my training and education doesn't seem to help in this situation, so I'm asking for honest non-biased suggestions. This may just be a case of different personalities or upbringing as well. My boyfriend said that their mother is pretty much a shut-in besides playing church and spending most her time at her twin sister's house. He said she doesn't show them the type of warm loving tenderness and direction (no I'm not perfect, and I do use tough discipline when needed) that I show my kids. My kids love everyone, and will give anyone a hug.
    kicknscreamn222

    Comment by kicknscreamn222 (original poster) at 3:27 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • It's going to be hard for them to accept you at first. They need alot of time. Don't force anything, and don't allow your boyfriend to force anything, or they will only resent it. It may not be that thier mother is telling them bad things. She could be, but it could also be that they might feel like they are betraying thier mother by warming up and accepting you. Just give them time, and be yourself around them, eventually they will come around. Hang in there! : )
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 4:05 PM on Sep. 4, 2010