Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Should I start spanking?

My daughter will be 3 at the end of September. She does not listen at all! She has always been so good. I recently had a baby so I am sure this plays a big part but I need help on discipling her. I do not know what to do anymore. Time outs do not work and I am and have been consistent with them. This has been going on now for about 6 months started before the baby came as well. Should I start giving her a smack?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Sep. 4, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (15)
  • No! Try paying more attention to her. Let her help with the baby instead of being left out.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 3:11 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • No, that's not going to work. Start taking away toys, etc. Also is she in preschool?? That can help as well. Google Nanny 911 ... they have all kinds of methods that work.... you just have to find the one that works for your child!! Good luck mom!!
    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 3:14 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • That is really only something that you can decide, if it's right for you and your family. She is probably feeling left out right now with the new baby and is trying to find ways to get attention. if I were in the same situation, I would try to find time to spend one on one time with her, and her alone, and give her lots of attention and love. When she begins acting out, ignore her. When she's being good, go over the top with praise for her. Soon enough, she should see what will get attention and what won't. If you do decide you want to spank her, take a couple deep breaths before you do it and make sure you really want to do it. See if the outcome will really get what you are looking for.

    Most of all, good luck mama and enjoy your family!
    kathria

    Answer by kathria at 3:15 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I am pro-spanking as long as it is not done in anger of course, but in your case I don't think I'd recommend that. If she's always been really good, and this new behavior is just an adjustment to a new sibling, I wouldn't drastically change the way she's disciplined. Just be consistant and firm, and let her know what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not. I think in her little 3yr old mind she could relate the new spanking to her new sibling, and that wouldn't be good. It could result in serious jealousy issues, especially since she was never hit until the new baby came, kwim? My kids were 2yrs and 2 months apart and when the baby was born my 2yr old was down right AWFUL, for about 5 months. I didn't know what to do with him, he was mean to me, and just so naughty, but he loved his baby brother he was just very naughty and wouldn't listen for anything. Spanking has always been part of our discipline though,---cont...
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 3:20 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • so it wasn't a huge change for him. He also got time outs depended on the offense. Anyway, I'm just saying that it took a long time for him to adjust and get back to his normal well behaved self, and during that 5 months I thought I was going to lose it. It was a really hard time..he adjusted and is doing great again, he's always been a very good boy too, but that was a rough adjustment period and I included him and had quality 1 on 1 time with him as much as possible, but nothing I did made a difference in his behavior, he just had to go through it I guess. So my advice would be to just hang in there, do what you've always done-because it used to work well with her right? Don't start spanking if you've never done it before because it would probably just make things worse and make her very angry and feel very out of control, which is part of the existing problem. Spanking can be good, but I think it's poor timing in your case.
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 3:25 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Spanking works. The wonderful thing about spanking is that if you are willing to use it, you will seldom have to. Your child is old enough to understand a change in rules. You just need to tell her that you love her too much to allow her to be disrespectful and disobedient, and from now on, she will be told one time, and then she will be spanked. If you will consistently follow through, without anger, always remembering the goal is to teach respect and obedience, she will soon get the idea. I prefer to use an instrument of discipline, rather than my hand. Either a small plastic flyswatter or a small flexible ruler works very well.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:45 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I am a spanking mom, but that is something you have to decide if you are comfortable with for yourself....I'm sure that on CM you find plenty of people that will lecture you one way or the other but ultimatly it is up to you. But I must say talking never worked for me spanking did....but I did it in conjunction with the talking.
    Finkette

    Answer by Finkette at 5:19 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • If spanking worked...you wouldn't need to do it but once. she wants to spend more time with you. How do you want her to raise your grandkids? Do you think it is ok for her to hit the new baby...hitting has rules? So when she can't get a classmate to do what she wants...is it OK to hit that kid? What is assault? Just food for thought~
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 5:28 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Ignore her. Have you tried time outs and shutting the door? That works for my 2 yo.
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 5:43 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • NannyB - you should have your kids taken away from you! I'd call DSS if I lived near you! My mother used to hit us with a wooden spoon - I did NOT fear or respect her - I thought she was a f'en moron! I still don't trust her because of that crap! If a mother can beat their own child with and object, what else are they capable of? I will never leave her alone with my kids, I do not want her to "discipline" them. screw her!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.