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3 Bumps

what do i do when i start to miss him?

my husband and i have been together for almost 10 years now, we got togeather when i was 15 and he was 16 and no we have 2 great kids and we were trying for our 3rd, but things have taken a turn for the worse. iam going to leave him and ive left many many times before and everytime i would get lonely i would go back to him and i fear that when i get lonely at my parents house hes goin to call and im goin to do the samething, but this time i HAVE stay away, because things have gotten abusive and violent, and he has threatened me that he was goin to take the kids from me. ok so neway he is the only guy that ive ever been in a relationship w/ and i really dont know what i need to do to help myself get over this? and on another note he is being really nice to me right now and i feel really bad for planning on leaving, am i doin the right thing? i know i am i guess i just need some1 to tell me that im doin the right thing.

Answer Question
 
mamasmurf171

Asked by mamasmurf171 at 3:15 PM on Sep. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (973 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I was in the same situation with my ex husband. I had to just tough it out. I got lonely and he would call and sweet talk me and do nice things for me to come back and whenever I did go back we would always have the same negative issues. With your relationship already not looking good I would not try for another child at this time. Find other things to occupy your time so you wont want to miss him so much.
    missthang42001

    Answer by missthang42001 at 3:19 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • If he's abusive, yes you are doing the right thing. Just remember those times, remember how bad it gets and remember you're children hear and see it, even when you think they don't. You don't want them growing up with that, so put them before you this time around.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 3:23 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • When you start to miss him, remember the abuse.
    kodamom

    Answer by kodamom at 3:26 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Be single for a while and learn about yourself. Get a daycare or babysitter and get a job to keep busy. Trust me, it only gets worse from there. Who knows what may happen next time you go back. What if he hurts you in front of your children? Or even hurts one of them? He is unstable and that isn't going to change of you run back every time. Fifteen is young to begin a long relationship so i am betting you have put all your energy and focus into that and your children rather than finding your own identity and talents. Embrace being single by bettering yourself, for you and your children. Loneliness is temporary. Just remember why you left and what will happen if you go back. Stay strong, and best of luck to you. You can do this!
    LittleWeloosMom

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 3:26 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • If you even think for a second that you really want to get back together with him, you both will need to go to counseling immediately. In fact, I would recommend that you go to counseling whether or not you two get back together. You would definitely benefit from it. The counseling will help you to not miss him as much and will make you a stronger mom in the long run. He cannot take your kids from you, unless you really mess up, most moms get the kids in custody arrangements anyway. So don't worry about that. Do what is best for your children. Do you want to have them grow up watching their mom get abused? Because kids always see the bad parts and they grow up thinking that is normal for a relationship to be. Be strong, and really think about what you want out of this relationship. And please, go see a counselor, especially if you are on the fence. They can help you make the right choice for you. Good luck!
    kathria

    Answer by kathria at 3:28 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • U need to think of the kids and get the hell out of there!!! Mine made me lose my baby!!!! I was pregnant and he pushed me and that is all it took!!!! Wake up and get out of there!!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 3:28 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Move back home and get a hobby or a job!!! occupy yourslef!!! More to life then sex!!!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 3:29 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Think longer term, do you really want your children to learn to abuse their children? If you have made the break, keep it. Your children are probably confused as to why you keep moving. If you really feel in your heart that you want to have a better life for yourself and your children, then stay away. It does get easier.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 3:41 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Call a domestic violence shelter and educate yourself on the cycle of abuse. He is being nice to win you back and make you trust him then the violence will happen again. You shouldn't go through this alone. They may have a support group for you to help when you get lonely.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:28 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • There is a cycle of abuse and it has 3 phases. You are in the honeymoon phase. Soon the tension will build and finally it will explode until the dust settles and you are back in the honeymoon phase. Remember that pattern and avoid it in your next relationship. It is nearly impossible to stop once it is established between 2 people. Sad, but true.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 4:53 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

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