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3 Bumps

Why do most women always go back to an abusive relationship?

I can be included in this, my ex was very abusive, emotionally and physically for years. After he put our son in the middle of a fight one day I left, but it took a lot for me to stay away. Why is it women never leave when it first starts?


Asked by BradensMom1026 at 6:11 PM on Sep. 4, 2010 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • The emotional connection of when things were actually good. The emotion of loosing or being alone can be included in this to.

    Answer by agriffinmom4 at 6:12 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Because most women want to "fix" everything. "He'll change, I can help him" etc. And then when something happens, and the man apologizes, they think "Oh, maybe this time it'll be different!" I was there once, too. Luckily there were no kids involved, just me...

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 6:13 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Because the last thing they loose is hope!!!

    Answer by older at 6:16 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Because women tend to fall in love with the non-abusive person BEFORE the abuse begins, and then tirelessly try to make things better, getting lost in the vicious cycle, ignoring the red flags and doubting their common sense!

    Abusers are REALLY sweet, charming, good talkers, they know how to play on your insecurities. And when you meet these losers you tend to be vulnerable or naive, and they're masters in telling you what you want to hear!

    Admittedly, I was involved in a verbally abusive relationship longer than I should have been. Looking back, the warning signs were all front and center, but they only appeared here and there, interspersed into wonderful days over 4 years time. It became easy to justify his mood swings, even though in my heart I knew I had done nothing to provoke him.

    I obtained a police presence as I gathered my things, the day after he took a swing at me and missed, leaving a hole in the wall!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 6:42 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I'm with SarahLeeMorgan. I thought I he would change. When I heard my four year old autistic son call me a "F@cking Bitch" I knew I had to leave.

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:28 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I think it's because they are so emotionally abused, often cut off from family and friends, feel worthless about themselves and many of them just have no where to go. I used to work as a legal assistant and saw a lot of these cases. I was shocked at the number of women who would call me begging me to get their hubby's or boyfriends out of jail after they had been beaten up. And there are not enough resources to help all these women. It's a vicious cycle and one that seems very hard to get out of. And women do want to believe things will change. And I suspect may abused women grew up that way too, so it's what they know. It's really sad that this happens so often and so many stand by and do nothing about it.

    Answer by SophiaofLight at 6:38 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I agreeSaraLeeMorgan, and it was a good day when I finally decided there was nothing left to do and no hope.It doesn't help to suggest counseling...because he won't go, because the abuser is "always right" and you are always wrong....and ,in my case,it doesn't help to stay "for the kids". Leaving is the only answer.

    Answer by gertie41 at 6:29 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • The fear of being alone

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 6:53 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • In my case, it was because he would do just enough for me to think he was changing, then the next time the abuse would be worse, and on and on until I was too broken down to fight anymore. It took him actually trying to kill me before I got out for good. Thank goodness I didn't have any children with him so I could completely get him out of my life forever.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:18 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • If it was me I would leave when it first started. I would never put up with it, because my mother did her whole life. That's a deal breaker for me. If you cheat on me or punch me in the face it's over.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 6:55 PM on Sep. 4, 2010