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3 Bumps

why does it affect us so much deeper? (miscarriage)

Maybe its a stupid question with an obvious answer, but.. why are we so much more deeply affected by the loss of our babies than other people? Even our husbands?
I wasn't very far along at all when I miscarried.. it was early enough I had a hard time coming to terms with my feelings...
Anyways... here it is, september.. and my due date should have been the 24th... I'm so messed up inside. people look at me like I'm crazy when I talk about it.
I have a friend due for a csection around that date. It is tearing me up! I've done really well with controlling my jealous feelings... but ... I feel so empty.. its not fair.. my husband doesn't understand either. He says "don't let it get to me"... yeah.. like THAT helps..

Answer Question
 
ToriBabe1221

Asked by ToriBabe1221 at 8:59 PM on Sep. 4, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 17 (3,866 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think that women who have miscarriages secretly feel like its their fault, even if they don't realize it. They feel like since they were the one carrying the child, they did something bad to lose it. And feeling like you're a failure never makes you feel good about yourself.
    Its not your fault though. Things happen that we have no control over. Just take care of yourself in preparation for the next baby that you will become pregnant with and have.
    an-apple-a-day

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 9:03 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • your not the only one. i had a m/c dec 2009 and waould have been due july 18th i did nothing but think about that day and also to this day i still ahve a hard time getting over it. a few friends of mine m/c at 3 weeks and they are prego again and they think im crazy for still thinking about mine all the time. and i admit there are days i wish i could have done soemthing diffrent but then again it was in gods hands and everything happens for a reaon for what reason i dont have the answer to..p/m me if you wanna chat
    Sweetestgirl79

    Answer by Sweetestgirl79 at 9:13 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Because of the horomones sweety. :( And the fact that bringing life into the world is our most wonderful ability.

    I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks back in 2002 and it STILL hurts to think about. :(

    When we found out my ex said, "Well, shot a bullet there didn't we?" Uh, NO!

    Good luck sweety and stay strong. Just remember that you are STILL the mommy to a precious little baby, you just have to wait to meet it one day later. ;)
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 9:29 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Yup, the hormones really make everything 1000x worse. Talk about post partum depression.... I had a really hard time after my m/c. My husband didn't feel the connection like I did, but he was very supportive and of course he was sad about it, but I was devastated, but it got better and now I have 2 healthy children and I very rarely think about anymore, every once in a while, I'll remember and I'll cry, so I don't think that little ache ever really completely heals, but it does get so much better. Big hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss.
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 9:58 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • im sorry

    69humblepie

    Answer by 69humblepie at 10:57 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • we lost our baby at 11 weeks almost 2 years ago. It took me about a year before i even became interested in sex again-I mean we had it just not alot. We have been actively trying for almost a year and nothing. I went into a deep depression and my husband's point of view was it happened for a reason. He did get upset when people seemed more concerned about me and how I was coping than him. In all honesty I never thought about how it affected him because of how he felt. Men are sometimes different on the outside but you never know what is really going on in the inside until you ask.
    MLH92108

    Answer by MLH92108 at 4:02 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I am grieving the loss of our baby at 13 1/2 weeks along (only days later, I was scheduled for our first U/S) that we lost just this past June. I have talked to people who have m/c (unbelieveable how many people i know that m/c, but I never knew, until they had a reason to tell me; to help me cope and relate with me) and they say that remembering these babies is something we will live with, the pain of that loss will lessen but never go away. A friend of mine, lost a baby girl many years ago, but every time her date of birth rolls around, she still gets sad and remembers her and wonders how she'd look now, what she'd be doing. She'd be 30 years old now. This is not to discourage you, but rather to let you know that there is notning wrong with being emotional at certain times when these memories are triggered. I know (and hope) that this may pass for me one day, but as it is still very fresh for me as well, I still wonder
    miraclewaits

    Answer by miraclewaits at 5:11 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • how my pregnancy would be going (if I were still pregnant). I would be 6 months along this week. I remember how many months along I would be every 9th day of each month and I know that the expected delivery date will be especially difficult as this was going to be a new addition to our family December 18th (and a new baby for Christmas!)
    You are not alone. That is why so many people are responding to your question. That is why there are support groups out there. We need the support of others who are going through what we are going through.
    Grieve how you need to, for as long as you need to. Everyone is different. Take care of yourself.
    miraclewaits

    Answer by miraclewaits at 5:14 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I'm sorry for your loss.. each miscarriage is different for different people... but they are never easy.

    I've had 4. And each one was different emotionally for me.
    I know I wanted to slap my doctor the one time he told me, "It happens for a reason".. All I can say is take it day by day.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:30 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • I guess because we had that life inside our bodies. I have five kids now and I still remember the day I lost my baby eight years ago! It will stay with me forever! I hope you feel better soon! (((HUGS)))
    twinmama2five

    Answer by twinmama2five at 3:16 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

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