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How do I get my 13 yr old daughter to open up to me?

She won't talk to me about anything. I know she likes boys, but won't ever admit to it. When she is fighting with her friends, she won't tell me why. It is like pulling teeth to get her to share anything with me.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:06 AM on Oct. 13, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • she's a teenager it is hard to get them to tell you what they want for dinner. alls you can do is let her know that you are there for her always and no matter what the problem is you two can work it out together or you can at least give her some ideas on how she can work it out alone. sit her down when she's in a good mood and not being a teenager and explain this to her or have a girls day out and kind of ease in to the conversation when things are chill goodluck

    Answer by jodi205 at 7:30 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Share a little of yourself first. Tell her some funny stories of a past relationship, or reminisce about the cute guy you had a crush on in junior high. It will make her realize you were a young girl like her once.

    Answer by mamapotter at 7:53 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I agree w/ mamapotter! Share some stories of yourself! Show her that you were a young girl once. That you know what its like to have crushes, fights w/ your friends, etc.. Once she knows that and thinks about it she'll probably start to open up to you!! Oh, and one other thing that I firmly believe in HAVE DINNER TOGETHER!!! NO phones, NO tv, NO distractions!!! Good luck...

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 3:21 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • When my DD comes home upset, or excited, I ask leading questions. When she says, "I don't want to talk about it," I tell her to go to her room. If she's not willing to explain her actions, then I don't want to see those actions! After a while alone, she's ready to come out and be part of the family again. We have a Godly household, so it also helps when I point out in the Bible, people who have emotional and family and physical struggles as well. She's not alone. I let her know I understand her hormonal confusion, but that's never an excuse for bad behavior. I think nowadays, parents sometimes find it easier to give up than pry. I don't care how it looks; I pry. If it's worth getting to the bottom. And most of the time, just being there for her makes it worthwhile.

    Answer by ChefMom94 at 6:21 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I ask more questions about her and listen more. I give her all the space I can and find my way into her world. She loved Broadway so I would take her to a show, talk about her favorites. I insisted she have supper with us and that she would attend family things. I would take her shopping for clothes; I would go to her plays at school because she was so passionate about the theatre. Now, she is learning to drive and has a boyfriend. She already has her own life in a way but I take her back and forth to work, on driving practices and around when she needs to go. I have some nice conversations in the car. I told her recently that I miss her so I want to talk to her, have her spend one day a week with us at home, have her boyfriend spend some time with us. It's mostly about her, connecting with her. She knows I am here if she needs me. Right now, that's what she needs. I take my cues from her.

    Answer by manna1qd at 8:27 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Also, read "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, How to Listen So Kids Will Talk". It helped me and still does.

    Answer by manna1qd at 8:28 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • don't try so hard. she might just think you're prying or that you'll use the information against her later. OR she just really wants her privacy or is still embarrassed. this stuff is new to her too. maybe she needs to do some self-discovery before she is willing to share her findings.

    Answer by laadeedah at 10:25 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Don't try hard, back off a little and let them come to you. The old proverb about horses & water comes to mind.

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 4:42 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • With my 14 and 13 year old daughters we started early with talking to them openly...Like some others said try opening up about yourself and your experiences and see how she responds. Remember when you were a teen and how you didn't like to tell your parents anything. It's all about her trusting you and you listening and opening up to her.

    Answer by jpalacios161 at 9:23 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Does she have a myspace or e-mail? My girls are 17 and 14. We talk everyday that way. It just seem easy for them as they are online a lot and when they don't have to look me in the eye or hear me freak out right away over something they have said it is easier for them. Gives me time to think before responding...really works for us.

    Answer by salexander at 2:04 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

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