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Is it normal and healthy for a 5 year old to be feeling all this? (I told her I would write him a letter from her, for her to tell me everything she was feeling - this is word for word)

When my husband left today, my daughter broke down crying and said that she just wants to be with her daddy, that he doesn't spend a lot of time with her because he is either with his friends or paying attention to his hip hop. (he is a producer) She said that he just puts his headphones on and doesn't pay attention to her at all. And that she doesn't just want to play with him she wants to be with him, just BE with him. When he goes to work, she misses him and then when he gets home he just complains, or fights with me, and sends her away. She then said that me and him fight too much and she doesn't get time to spend with him. She said that she sometimes she wishes that he would send his friends away to spend time with her instead of sending her away to spend time with them, because she loves him A LOT and (tears coming down, and her choking up) she feels like he loves them more than her. To end everything, she loves him

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SusieQue717

Asked by SusieQue717 at 11:14 PM on Sep. 4, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 12 (832 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • that is so sad! Just love her up all that you can and try to make things better for her..
    If her father doesn't love her enough, make sure you love her triple the amount, she'll learn soon enough what he's really like...sounds like she already knows quite a bit
    BradensMom1026

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 11:17 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • give dad the letter!
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 11:19 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Awh. Do you think her father realized that she notices that? When I was growing up, I always felt like my father didn't care enough about me and didn't really "like me." Years, later in therapy, when I told him he said he had no idea that he wasn't giving me enough attention because I never said anything. Maybe he figures everything is ok because she never says anything. i think it would be worth it to have a talk with him and let him know that she feels lonely and wants to spend time with him-he might think a 5 year old girl has no interest in hanging out with her dad.

    And if you tell him and he doesn't change...well then he's got a lot of growing up to do and its gonna be rough, but one day she'll see how much YOU loved her and the Hell with anyone else who didn't!
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 11:21 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • She sounds like a very intelligent young lady. perhaps she needs to tell her daddy how she feels when he is at home and relaxing not when he is on the go. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 11:21 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • Fathers, be good to your daughters
    Daughters will love like you do
    Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
    So mothers, be good to your daughters too

    John Mayor
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 11:22 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • I'm def. going to give him the letter, and have them talk it out... I was always really close to my daddy, and what confuses me is that he was really close with her until these guys came into the picture, mind you, they are like 5 years younger than him, and have no wife or kids, and then he just kinda pushes us aside... I was trying not to push him too hard, I don't want to tell him he can't have friends, or who they can or can't be, but I had no idea she was feeling that way... It hurts me to know that she is being effected by this too... I have no idea how to approach him and tell him to get some grown up friends without sounding like a total control freak!
    SusieQue717

    Comment by SusieQue717 (original poster) at 11:27 PM on Sep. 4, 2010

  • You and he need to talk about your relationship too. You need to have constructive conversations and problem solving to cut down on the fighting. I hope things work out for you. Best of luck.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:25 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • you should give him the letter... it is so possible to be a producer and a good father on top of it... my SO has a recording studio in our basement and even when he is down there the kids are welcome to come see them whenever they want... it is important for him to make time for her... my dd's father puts everything before her and it hurts her soo much and i wish there was something i could do to make him spend time with her... this is part of why i divorced him... you dh needs to realize that his baby should be #1...
    springsmom0322

    Answer by springsmom0322 at 10:04 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Aw, poor girl. Hopefully he will realize what he is doing wrong when he reads his letter. Maybe he thinks she's too young to notice, but clearly, she knows.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 5:08 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Yes, it is normal and you have an articulate child. Please do not ignore her feelings. You are the middle-(wo)man here and this is a ball in your court.

    Many men underestimate their physical presence in their child's life. (there are loads of reasons for this both biologically, and culturally...) It is up to us, us moms, to help the fathers see their own value.

    It is not about what you DO together, it is JUST about being together.
    Radarma

    Answer by Radarma at 8:15 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

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