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coping with step-children who hate me, any ideas?

I have some step children that think I am the worse thing created since the devil ( I suppose). The youngest (now 12) reported to her mother that I made her go to sleep at 10pm and made her go to church. ( She was 9 at the time). The other is a teenager that decided she didn't like me when she was living with us and couldn't have sleep overs on school nights or hang out with her boyfriend any time she felt like it or hang out at all hours of the night. (She went back to her mom and now she's a senior in high school and pregnant). Their dad is hurt, angry with the mother, but rather than make them come around me, sneaks to see them. I mean wtf. Sneaking, really? I want him to see his children but what did I do that was so wrong? How do I handle this, cause if we can't come together on how to deal with this issue we're gonna have some SERIOUS problems.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Sep. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • wow sorry your going through that, id tell him this is how its going to be and thats final, it is wrong that he sneeks to see them , he wont understand though but by him doing that he will be the one in control, as for his daughters they r just plain little @#$%^, sorry but they will grow up n realize that you are not evil or wrong, its them.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 1:13 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • i have five adult stepchildren who are my age lol, two of them are ok with me because i make their daddy happy but the other three hate me. so i got to the point where i realized that i had tried so hard to be good to them and establish a relationship and i just got to the point where i told my husband that i will never ask him not to have a relationship with his children but they will not get away with treating me badly in my own home. so sometimes even though it isnt fair you just have to step back and be seperate from them but also make sure your husband is honest with you. he can have a relationship with them but he needs to let them know that they will not bad mouth you because you are his wife and then you just have to find ways to either go have a girls day when they are there or tell them that its ok they dont like you but they will not disrespect you and let hubby do discipline so ur not in the middle.
    lisachole23

    Answer by lisachole23 at 1:29 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I agree with lisachole23. You and husband need to talk this over. Let him have his relationship with his kids. Keep it separate from you if need be. Tell him to remain loyal you when he sees his kids. Hopefully they will learn they were wrong as they grow older. It will be painful for you but show them you are the better person. Sounds like this is the way it might have to be if you and your husband are comitted to each other and want your marriage to work. Put the marriage first and find solutions. I wish you all the best
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:29 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • The step parent that makes the rules and enforces them is always the bad guy. I'd say that you need to have an agreement with your husband about visitations. Work with him on that. The stepkids need to have positive interactions with you. So when they come over try to find something positive to do with them while still adhereing to the household rules you've established with husband. You and hubby must have a united front. The kids will come around but maybe not until they are mature. Being a step parent is unrewarding sometimes. Hang in there and focus on your marriage and keeping it strong.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:20 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

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