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3 Bumps

IS IT POSSIBLE TO FORGIVE AND NOT FORGET?

i'm 16( almost 17) i'm pregnant from my 2 child! when i was 9 years old my dad died, and since that day but mom start blame me for his death and she start beating me with no reason, she could come home pick up the belt and start beating me!it was horrible but i couldn't do anything.
when i got pregnant for the 1 time she put me out. my dd is now 1 years old and stepdad invited me to stay with them. i'm living again with my mom and my lil bro and sis and my stepdad. We already had a couple of fights. because sometimes i feel that she feel embareced when her friends come and see that i have 1 child and other coming! I ask my mom why she hurt me so much? and she told me that she didn't know what to do after my dad death that i was the only one around! and that when she was younger her mom treat her the same way she used to treat me! and she told me tht she can't go back to the past, but she can start now. what i shld do?

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Sofiah

Asked by Sofiah at 4:05 AM on Sep. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (300 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I wouldn't have anything to do with her if it were me, but you have to decide what is best for you and your situation. Good luck!
    sherribeare

    Answer by sherribeare at 4:09 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Honestly, I live off of "always forgive but never forget" my mom beat us really bad, I was taken away and put in foster care when I was 5. my dad was very abusive towards her and would beat her and in return she'd beat us. I asked her about it when I was 16 and she told me that we were bad and that she didn't know what to do, she's crazy and I have forgiven her, but forgiveness is mostly for you not the other person, I had to forgive the horrible mother she was to become a better mother myself, I would never do to my kids what she did to me no matter what was going on in my life its not my kids fault. I don't talk to her and would never allow her to take part in my kids lifes, she never changed and don't trust that she wouldn't hit my kids so it's better to stay away from her. You can try to make peace with her and move on with her in our life but if things get bad get out and don't keep going back.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 4:18 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • -hug- never forget, and like babyangel said, forgiveness is for you, not them.
    SavanaF.

    Answer by SavanaF. at 4:43 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Forgiving is a way to let go of the intense feeling of anger and hatered. You will never forget.
    momsbreak5654

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 5:50 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • For me forgiveness has a lot to do with prayer. The only way I have found to do both forgive and forget is to give it all to God, the pain, the memory, the past, present, future, and your mother. Tell Him He can have it all. This is what I've done but well, I don't know what you believe. With that said I think the PP's said it pretty well. I hope you can find some peace in this situation.
    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 5:50 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • You never forget. But you can move on by forgiving.

    You say..............she told me that she can't go back to the past, but she can start now. Personally, I would give her one more chance. But move on if it doesn't work. Only you can answer this. It sounds like you could really use some help right now. Please practice reliable birth control later on and provide a safe, loving, environment for your children. You and they deserve it. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:14 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • You need to go for some type of cousenling or you will treat your baby the same way. You won't want to but, it is all you know of parenting. Get to some type of parenting class. Children are trying and even though you love her very much, you could become your mom. There are lots of free services out there. Start with WIC and Community Cousenling services. If your mom goes with you that would be great.
    momx3gx1b

    Answer by momx3gx1b at 8:08 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Its never possible to forgive and completely forget, but that doesn't mean you continually beat a person over the head with their transgression or that you allow yourself to keep it fresh in your mind. When you "forgive and forget" it means you totally forgive that person. While you may still be cautious and you those memories will never leave you, you don't hold it in front of their face any more. You don't allow it to be the first thing thrown at them as soon as they upset you. No one is perfect, while its not an excuse, your mom went through something traumatic and didn't know how to handle it. Now she realizes she's wrong and seems to be trying to make a new start with you. Let her.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 9:35 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I think it is worth a try w/ mom but if she raises her hand to you or your kids you gotta leave. When she gets under stress she'll probably return to that behavior. Forgive but don't forget and always remember her mean ways can return. I think leaving asap is best but at your age, with 2 kids, what will you do? Also, please get birth control asap after delivery even if you do not plan on having sex.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 10:07 AM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Forgive her and start again. When she's starts again its time to go.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 9:24 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

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