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My husband turns me down 99% of the time...

he works alot so i thought he was tired so i started to offer him blow jobs and he still tells me NO. this is breaking my heart because he never wants me or shows me any kind of affection.. the only time he kisses me is when he leaves for work and its the same kiss he gives or kids. He has cheated on me before and we decided to work through things... well its been 5 months since i found out and he isnt even trying to make anything work...he treats me like its my fault he did what he did and he acts single when he is at work and around his friends. I feel like the maid/nanny.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Oct. 13, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • It sounds like he has some issues he can't or won't share with you. Things won't just get better without communication and the lack of his interest in sex with you is only a symptom. In order to save your marriage, you guys need some help with some kind of counseling to help you work through them.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 11:03 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Honestly honey why are you still in a relationship with this man?? you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you to. You deserve to be happy. If I were you I would have a heart to heart with him and find out if he really wants to be in the relationship. Let him know that if he wants to be with you then why isn't he showing it, behaving in a way that someone who wants to be with you would. I know it's hard but you would be much happier with someone who really wants to be with you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • seriously parts of your question, i took a double take to make sure I didnt write this and forgot or something...not sure what to say about cheating, never deat with that, but i know my dh of 10 yrs is one of those guys you really have to push for intamicy. and yes, ive been turned down for both, alot. i hear you about the kiss before work. i started refusing them to send a point. I want to defend your dh, oinly because i know how deeply my dh loves me, and he acts the same way sometimes or most. he's private, he keeps his emotions to himself. you say he acts single at work, how? i just think you might be overreacting and acting on emotions, did he flip a switch and change, or has his emotions and affections been getting less and less?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • ony because when ive been emotional and it just be bad timing or whatever and gotten upset at dh. after taking about it, clearly him showing he was upset and hurt by my reactions. I knew who he was when we met, when we decided to move in together, when we made our commitment, when we tried for chidren, he was the same man everytime, if anything, I changed some, and because I want more or whatever, he isnt going to change his whole personaity and magiclly have emotions to show that he didnt before. he works at his own pace and everytime, if im patient and look at the big picture, i see he does support me and this is our life. we cant give you answers you need, but you need to tak to him. the cheating is in the past,

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • if you decided to forgive, then you need not bring that up, since i assume he his honoring his vows to you, he made a mistake, if he is acting one way doesnt mean there is someone on the side. if this is how things are, they must of been ike this before cheating. sometimes i hear that only happens to actuay reach for something else that is missing that we really ony want from home. i wish you much luck mom. try not to be emotional. forgiveness is huge,

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • it takes alot more effort from you, you have to work through a bunch, not him. thats step 1 and the next step is up to you. my dh has a real problem with planned bedroom time. hed rather be in the mood, but we all know, there is no time for that. once the kids are aseep, try giving him a massage or something, set it up like from back in the day, mabey sparks will go, if they dont, then the next day id schedule a time slot to talk about life and where it is going. life is what you make of it. if you have sadness and hurt about the affair, you always will. you need to let it go, for you. to make your life better...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I talk with some of the people he works with and they tell me he is a touchy flirty person at work and if they didnt know he was married they would think he was looking...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I can go on and on and for some reason my L key isnt working that good, so sorry for all the typo's. I just wrote you so many replies, cuz I have been there, not the actual cheating, like i said, but it seemed like it, might as well, the way I was feeling. you need to talk to him, sounds like there hasnt neen enough of it. my dh has been described by friends as cold, not emotional, but when we are alone in an intimate setting, hes different, and I keep those thoughts close to get me through the other times, since im the one who was unhappy, im the one looking for change. dh was basiclly in the dark about what i was even going through. of course people are going to say leave him.... you already chose to forgive once, im assuming some on part cuz of the kids.. you can do this, you forgave for a reason, you just need to look and you'll remember why.we are happier now, you can be too

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • dont pressure it i know you have needs but just wait a little till he's ready again. he'll come to when he realizes what a forgiving and loyal wife he has. just live your life i promise things'll get better

    Answer by dlss87 at 11:34 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • are you a touchy flirty person? was he when you met? people don't change their pesonality over night. being friendly/flirty is not the end of the world. some people live like that everyday. my dh calls people dear when he is talking and he wants to be sweet. when i mentioned it to him, he never even knew he did it.! so now he knows it makes me uncomfortable. forgivness is huge on so many levels. though my dh didnt cheat, ive had to use forgiveness in our life together. (he use to be an addict/alcholic) its a long road. for example my man has been sober since 7/01, can you imagine that when we were having a heart to heart the other night I talked about an incident that still holds some pain over my heart?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Oct. 13, 2008

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