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my daughter internalizes everything, thinks she is allways under attack.

she is allways turning everything into an issue when it never should have been one, she uses the word sorry in response to anything said to her, yet is quick to be critical of her older siblings but cries and doesnt understand when they get mad about it. she mopes around and thinks everyone hates her or thinks she is stupid, allways asks me what is wrong, she doesnt understand that i cannot be happy and cheerful when she so obviously isnt. she hates that her grown sisters dont spend more time with her, but they dont want to be down and depressed all the time either. worse part is she is alienating herself from them and soon they will be all she has as i have a terminal illness, which she is in denial of of course. how do i get her to be a more positive person? to count her blessings and not turn everything into an issue with "sides"

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Asked by julieclark at 11:13 AM on Oct. 13, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (4)
  • Sounds like typical childhood angst combined with very probable stress about your health. Spend more one on one time with her. Plan a special outing, just the two of you, like going to see a movie (her pick, your approval) or maybe a simple lunch out. You need to let her unload her inner most concerns on you (without butting in). She may say things that make no sense to you, but realize they are all too serious to her. She's young and needs you, Mom.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I went thru something similar w/ my 10 yr. old son. I took his name "Albert" & created what i call a motivational "letter" (4 lack of a better word). I can send u a copy of it if you'd like. It's pretty simple, but it seems 2 work.

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 1:33 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Sounds like the combo of coping with your illness and her own natural hormonal changes might be too much for her to deal with alone. I'd try to find her a counselor...she needs to deal with these feelings before your gone, so she doesn't fall apart after.

    Answer by Kimebs at 2:23 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I hope you can take some time to have some fun with her....and encourage her to share her feelings about what is going on. It sounds like she is sort of blaming herself....or maybe by blaming herself she feels like she has more control. This has to be scary for her.....and the age isn't easy under the best of circumstances. My daughter takes everything personally too, and always perceives everything as an attack. It is hard to deal wtih someone who is like that. But this time with you is very important for her. Even though she may be hard to deal with, I hope you can find a way to have some positive interactions with her. If you can be strong enough to let her talk about her feelings about thinking about losing you, that may give her strength later.

    Answer by BJoan at 10:17 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

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