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is it wrong to try to work things out on the basis of your child?

Me and my boyfriend are having huge issues. He wants to break up and me and her to move two hrs away. I believe we need to try to work things out for the sole purpose we have a 14 month old together. WE have tried nothing i didn't even know anything was wrong until he said he wanted to break up!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Sep. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • You have to do what is best for your child. Sometimes it is best to go ahead and separate, and sometimes it is better to stay together. If someone is the relationship wants out, than it is usually best to let them go. If you decide to do that, than you have to make it clear how unhealthy it is emotionally for the child and there will be none of the coming back and leaving. That is a viscous cycle. No one but you two know what the perfect solution for your situation. I wish you the best.
    queen.bee

    Answer by queen.bee at 12:53 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Has your BF told you why he wants to break up? Knowing why is important, because, depending on the reason, it may or may not be something that will allow you to salvage your relationship. There's a big difference between "I've found someone else I like better" and "I feel overwhelmed with responsibilities", kwim?
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 1:05 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • well what is the reason that he wants to break up? you say that you didn't have any problems with him and he just pulled this break up stuff out of the blue with no warning? I think you should really have an in depth talk about this find out all of his reasons, talk about each one and try to find a way to work them out if you can. You can't force him to stay but if you love him, it's worth giving him your best effort and if he still doesn't want to be with you at least you know it wasn't your fault and you won't feel guilty for not trying.
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 1:14 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I would ask him to go with you to some kind of relationship counselor, or talk to someone who is not directly involved in the situation. If he still wants to break up, you need to make it clear to him that there will be no breaking up/getting back together cycle. That is not healthy for your child. You should try to work it out, but not just for your child. I know several people who stayed together just so they wouldn't have a "broken home", but they were miserable... and the kids ended up needing counseling because the parents were constantly fighting and obviously did not want to be together. It's a rough situation either way but stay together because you want to, not because of your child.
    SAHMomOf3

    Answer by SAHMomOf3 at 2:13 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • The sooner in their life you break up the better it is, for the little one. It is when they become kids and teenagers it does them more harm if you break up. little one's are so much happier if they have just one happy parent versus 2 unhappy ones
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 2:59 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • If your boyfriend isn't willing to work on things there is nothing you can do but to leave, don't try to push him into staying just for your child. He'll end up resenting you for it and things will just get worse. My ex-husband and I attempted to make things work several times because of our two small daughters, though in the end he didn't really want to be a married man anymore and he just ended up hurting me, and our children, more by staying. While our older daughter doesn't quite understand why her father and I aren't together (which took me by surprise because she was 18 months old the last time he moved out) she is happy knowing that we get along now and still occasionally do things as a family.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 3:06 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • It IS wrong to work on things souly based on your child. The relationship has nothing to do with your child. The relationship is souly between you and your boyfriend. If things aren't working out between you two regardless of the reasons then your child won't help or hurt the situation. You will never be happy in a relationship if you both aren't there souly for one another. A child has no effect on a relationship, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason then that's between the couple. If he wants out of the relationship then let him leave. Holding him back isn't going to make him happy. It won't make you happy either. If you two aren't happy together then your child isn't happy. So all in all, it's a horrible idea to stay together souly for your child.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:09 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Please try to work things out - it might be worth the effort.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 10:54 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

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