Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Should I give in? Or be the bad guy (again)?

I will try to sum all this up. My 4 year old is a great kid, but super spoiled especially by my FIL and MIL. When he is with them he is allowed to do whatever and they think its cute (he draws on the walls, they date it and call it art. She gives him a "big boy dollar" every time he leaves her house without crying, etc.) Its so bad he got kicked out of the Christian school I sent him to his second day there because he was at their house the night before and acted out and had a fit and was mean. He started a new Pre-K and was making great strides because he hadnt seen them all week, but still had a few instances of misbehavior. I told MIL they couldnt buy him another train set (the 8th this month) until he was good for a whole week. He just came home with FIL with another huge train set. He told me he wasnt supposed to have it because he bit and screamed at school but poppaw got it for him. So do I take it, or give in?

Answer Question

Asked by Cass052005 at 7:45 PM on Sep. 5, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 6 (126 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Take it. Make them take it home with them. They need to learn to respect your rules as a parent or they need to learn they get an adult time out from their grandchildren.

    Answer by Memigen at 7:47 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I feel like I left so much of it out trying to fit it all into 900 characters. I know his bad behavior isnt completely their fault, but it makes it really hard to discipline or even use positive rewards when they undermine everything I do. He knows he can do whatever he wants and mommaw and poppaw will still do whatever he wants. I have talked with DH a billion times and he talks to them but will not stand up to them and nothing ever changes. It is getting so bad I am looking for jobs in other states just to get away from them.

    Comment by Cass052005 (original poster) at 7:48 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Take it away. In fact if it was me and his behavior was that out of control, he would not go to MIL's house since they are not respecting your wishes. They can see him but only at your house. I would also take all his toys away and make him earn them back.

    Answer by Soniam301 at 7:48 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • Personally I'd gather up the 8 train sets and donate them to charity. The kid needs some discipline and a hard shot of reality. Hate to say it but good kids do not get kicked out of school on their second day, you need to do something pretty horrible for that to happen and you can't just say that he was acting out because he was with his grandparents the day before.

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 7:49 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • And I know based on principle I should take it, but now I feel awful because he is going to hate me if I do, and he is so excited to have it and play with it and he is just so confused when all the adults in his life are all saying completely different things.

    Comment by Cass052005 (original poster) at 7:50 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • YOu have to take it, and give it back to FIL... it's your house, your rules!!! Also arrange for them to have a parent/teacher type conference with the school so the teachers can help reaffirm some of the things you need to work on. I know people that have done this and it's helped a lot!! Good luck Mom.... STAND STRONG!!!


    Answer by Morgain at 7:51 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I don't understand grandparents these days who allow children to act out like that. They wouldn't have allowed their kids (you) to act like that would they? And I also don't understand parents who allow their parents to treat their kids like that! You are an adult! Grow up and tell them they need to allow you to RAISE your child and they need to RESPECT your rules as a parent!

    I told my mom that. She had to stay away if she couldn't allow me to raise my daughter. She isn't dead from me standing up to her. I didn't perish from being a "meany" to my mom. She learned to respect my rules and now my daughter is a perfect little Angel just the way I wanted her.

    Answer by Memigen at 7:51 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • He needs to understand that YOU are the MOM. If he doesn't learn it now...good luck in about 5 more years...

    Answer by Soniam301 at 7:51 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • i would take it away and make a deal with your child that when he is good that he can have it back after a week of being good.

    Answer by pinkdena at 7:51 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • They arent my parents. They are DH's. And they did allow him to act up like that. SO I am fighting a losing battle. He wants to do everything to please them, and they see nothing wrong with what they are doing because to them they think they did a great job even though their son is almost 30 and unemployed. He knows I am the mom, and we never have these problems when I am with him. That is part of the reason he is doing much better at this school, I teach there and the teacher and I work together and know the areas he needs to work on and work on them together. 4 of his trains are in my closet right now that he is working on earning back. That is another reason he wasnt supposed to get a new one.

    Comment by Cass052005 (original poster) at 7:58 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.