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2 Bumps

What should I do? Fighting while TTC?

We have been TTC while BFing for the past month. We have also been argueing a lot lately and he made the comment the other day that if the fighting didnt stop that he didnt see us lasting very long, he didnt mean that the next fight we got into it would be over, just if this much fighting continued we would break up sooner or later. After he said that, I told him that I wanted to start wearing condoms. I have never seen him like that, he started shaking and crying. I thought he was mad but after about 15 minutes of telling him what I meant, he told me that he was so excited and it hurt him so bad to hear that I didnt want a baby with him anymore. I just think until the fighting stops we dont need to be trying to get pregnant. But I also dont want to see him hurt like that. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Sep. 5, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (12)
  • Whatever your heart tells you to do, but yeah, if you are fighting so much, it wouldn't be the best idea to TTC.
    AnasMommy7

    Answer by AnasMommy7 at 9:59 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • my hubby and i conceived without thinking about trying.... maybe dont focus on that and relax together cause stress doesnt help with trying to get preg : ) i hope everything works out between the 2 of you
    pinkdena

    Answer by pinkdena at 10:02 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I hated sex while ttc lol and maybe you're fighting bc the pressure of ttc it is stressful in my opinion it alwasy worked best when we weren't we never really tried it just happened. Do something together to makeyour relationship stronger, and maybe don't take procautions to stop it but don't try either when we were fighting a ton after mc I brought home fireproof and the love darecheesy I know but it worked and its been awesome I know this might not be your specific cup of tea but find something together
    Kre10

    Answer by Kre10 at 10:28 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • how about making an agreement to use some form of birth control for a few months while you guys spend some time focusing on the relationship. it sounds to me like you guys need to take some time to reconnect and fall back in love (wether you're ttc or not). tell him that it's nothing against him, you just want to spend the next 2 or 3 months reconnecting with him and working through your issues so that they will be out of the way and you two can really enjoy any future pregnancy and baby without the distraction of whatever current problems you"re having. yes, couples will always have fights from time to time, but if it's a persistent problem then it will only get worse with the stress of another child. it's in everyone's best interest to get your relationship on track before ttc. setting a specific time period for it will help him see that you do want another child with him and that it will happen.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 10:51 PM on Sep. 5, 2010

  • I think you made the right choice of trying to wait to have a baby until you can work out your differences.

    A good counseler may be able to help you both.. or just laying out your issues flat out and trying to work at one at a time to try to fix them.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:18 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • It sounds like that you are putting too much stress on your self and your relationship worrying about TTC that you are getting stressed and taking it out on one another. I think that maybe taking some of the stress off of yourself and just relaxing and tryng to enjoy sex again may really help. Good Luck.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 12:25 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • TTC can be very stressful for both people. A man feels the need to preform, the women worries that things won't happen quick enough...add breastfeeding while TTC to that and things can get intense.

    I would recommend a date night for the two of you. Talk about what's been going on in your marriage, why you've been on edge and why he's been on edge. Talk about ways to talk through frustrations and then talk about whether or not you all need to take a break from TTC.

    katelingerum88

    Answer by katelingerum88 at 12:39 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • I agree with LoriaAnne - I think it's important that you two work on your relationship for a bit before you continue TTC. If it will make him more comfortable, you can use condoms instead of going on BC - that way it doesn't seem so "permanent" for him.
    WomanWitty

    Answer by WomanWitty at 3:41 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Depends on what the arguments are about and how often they occur. Are we talking HUGE blow out fights or just little tifts...
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:30 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • are you married?
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 3:09 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

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