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Should I just keep him under my thumb and forbid him to see her??

My son just turned 16, sexually active, got into a fight over his stupid girlfriend b/c this guy wont stop talking to her, I told him its hard to talk to someone who isnt talking back. AND I think hickies are trashy and he came home with one on his neck.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Oct. 13, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Your son is already sexually active. There's no turning back that clock. I would say let him keep seeing her, BUT do it at YOUR house, doors open. Have her over for dinner, invite her to family movie or game night. Spend time all together. How old is this girl? I think they're too young to have sex, but their hormones are telling them otherwise. I disagree with those who say "let him, or he'll do it anyway". That's BS! You're the parent, you have rules, this is one of them. No sexual activity! That includes making out, hickies, etc. If he's sexually active now, what's to keep him from being active with the next girl he meets? Or her, with someone else? And then what's to stop STD's from taking over? He's acting on impulse, not common sense. So spend time with them together. Maybe after some time in public, he'll see her in a different light and won't WANT to be with her.
    ChefMom94

    Answer by ChefMom94 at 6:16 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Your going to get a lot of answers saying.....no....he will rebel....hold them down too much and they will leave.....ect. ect.....but I think that is what is wrong with society....somewhere along the way.....we got the idea that we have to walk on eggshells around our kids so they dont hate us or run away.

    Stand your ground....earn respect. He is 16....far to young to know how to make good decisions about relationships.....

    Wow am I going to be unpopular.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I would say....um.... YES . . . Especially since he is sexually active... Do you think he would be prepared to support a child?????
    rivmom

    Answer by rivmom at 3:44 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • just tell him to use a condom. Everything else is mostly his decision. tell him "no" and he will do the opposite
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 3:46 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • If you tell a teenager NO they're going to do the opposite, that's how they think. I wouldn't let him see her especially if he's sexually active and coming home with hickies.
    Kenzies_momma

    Answer by Kenzies_momma at 3:48 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I can tell you that, as a former teenager:), the more my mom & my boyfriend's mom tried to keep us apart the more we were together. It sounds like maybe he's hurting over this other guy & her. You do need to set down your expectations and at the same time let him know that you're there for him. What are you prepared to do if he doesn't follow the rules of your house? I don't think you can "forbid" anyone to do anything. You can only set limits & consequences to crossing those limits. I'm reading a book called "Yes, your teen is crazy". It's really very good. It puts my teenage years into perspective too! Lol I wish you & your son the best!!
    campbellgirl

    Answer by campbellgirl at 3:56 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • At 16 he thinks he knows everything, they all do..WE all did. Set his ground rules. Be firm. I don't know that I would forbid the girlfriend thing. Make it a worable situation. If you don't try to work out a compromise he will rebel, he will sneak around he WILL find much worse trouble. KEEP TALKING. Talk TO him..not at him...even if he isn't responding back. Let him klnow you care. Let him know hickies on his neck are unacceptable in your house. He'll either stop it or keep them in out of sight places.
    The first poster suggests ppl will tell you to tip toe around him. I AM NOT saying that. It is your house, he is a minor...but he is almost an adult in the eyes of the law. You can't punish him like he's 8 and expect a positive result. He wants to act like an adult..hold him to that standard. I did my youngest..and I guarantee you he didn't think it was so cool real quick.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:04 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Well, my kids aren't old enough for this yet, but what I'd like to think I would do is: Don't forbid the girlfriend. Set rules. He has to be home by X time, no hickies, no fights. Give him consequences for those actions. Not home by curfew, grounded the next night. Gets in a fight, no car privileges for X days or whatever punishment you deem appropriate.
    Forbidding her will only make him rebel, causing him to act out even worse than he already does, possibly resulting in a pregnancy or him getting arrested for fighting. If you simply set rules for what you expect of him, without explicitly "blaming" the girlfriend, then you are punishing him for his own actions. He can't blame anyone but himself if he breaks the rules. If you forbid the girlfriend, he'll put the blame on you for what happens (even though he'd be wrong!).
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:56 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

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