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need opinions please!!

ok so my mother whose only like 43(grandmother of my daughter) and latley shes been goin out to bars alot and never coming home. My father told me this over the phone and apparently she does this quite often. HE acts like its no big deal. They really dont get along and are on the verge of getting a divorve. (for the past 4/5 years theyve been like this) My mother says shes out with her "friends" but someone told me she wasnt with them.
Now heres what i need help on. do you think i should stay out of it or help my dad get to the bottom of it? I feel so bad so for him because hes done everything for me. And he's been my stepdad for the past 20 yrs, and hes the only dad ive known. hes a cop putting his life on the line and then he has to come home finding out his wife is gone. And is it wrong for me to not let my daughter to go over there until my mother gets her act together?



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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Oct. 13, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Stay out of it, hon. I know it's tempting to get involved, but let hiim deal with this in his way. Let him know you love him and are there for him if he needs you, but respect them both (even though your mother is acting like a twit) enough to let them work this out on their own. Stay as neutral as possible. You just never know all the details of what goes on in someone's relationship, you know? Not even when it's your own parents.

    As for your daughter, does your mother pose a threat to her? If so, by all means stop exposing your daughter to a potentially dangerous situation. But if your mother poses no threat, please do not use your daughter as a bargaining chip to try to get your mom to change her ways. It's not fair to anyone, especially your daughter.
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 4:07 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I'd stay out of it.You don't want to be put in the middle and have to choose him or her.If this has been going on this long,I'm sure your step dad does know.He just doesn't want to face it.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 4:10 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • well ithink my mother is sort of a threat she drinks alot and when my daughter is there she still has the needs to have glasses of wine. Shes the one that asks for her for a weekend and by early sunday morning shes calling me to pick her up like shes dieing to get rid of her. she dont see her often we live an hour and half away and shell take her about once every 2/3 months.
    vadasmom

    Answer by vadasmom at 4:11 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I would stay out of it. If your parents have been having problems, it may be what both of them want. If nothing else for now, it's just space. If you're truly concerned about your mom, find time alone with her, when she's sober, and sweetly ask how things are between her and your stepdad. She may tell you what's up right there. Other than that ... there isn't much you can do. If your mom continues to drink, try to avoid her with your daughter. Maybe she'll get it.
    KatieBatey

    Answer by KatieBatey at 4:16 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Your stepdad probably already knows but, doesn't want to admit it. He is not going to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt you either,because it would. As far as your daughter is concerned, if you feel she won't be safe with your Mom, then you know what to do, but, the choice is yours to make. I hope everything works out for you.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:20 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • You don't want your daughter raised in the environment that your mom is creating for herself. Let her know that. That may open her eyes to how out of control her behavior has gotten.
    Your mom is obviously really hurting right now and she's going about it the wrong way. Your first priority is to protect your daughter.
    MicahsMom612

    Answer by MicahsMom612 at 4:26 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Stay out of it. She's your mother. He's just your step father.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 4:58 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Mayb suggest to ur stepdad to hire soneone to follow her, he's a cop he could find out stuff if he doesn't already know. You should speak to your mom about the way her life is going sometimesour moms need us to mother them but its ur call. Good luck!
    luschram

    Answer by luschram at 5:26 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Stay out of it!!

    Jen
    MomluvsMusic59

    Answer by MomluvsMusic59 at 5:29 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • say out of it - if he is blind sided it cause he doesnt want to see it -
    or ask your mom if you could join her so you can see what shes doing for yourself
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 5:35 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

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