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Was this appropriate?

During a sleepover, my DH stayed up with my DD and her friends chatting with them and kidding around well into the night. These girls are all about 14-15 and very cute and bubbly (you know how they are). At one point the girls had all fallen asleep except our DD's BFF, who wanted to talk about stuff that she didn't want to talk to her own parents about. So for awhile it was just the two of them talking.

DH came to bed later and said it was a nice chat and felt like he'd bonded with the girls.

Was this appropriate, or should my DH have gotten me to talk to her instead? Or not talked to her at all?

Your thoughts?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:39 AM on Sep. 6, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Wow people seriously ALWAYS jump to the most disgusting conclusions!!!
    My father (who only had girls), was always a favorite amongst ALL my friends, male and female, my mom didn't care to hang out with our friends, but my dad took a real interest in us. Is he a disgusting perv, far from it, he just loves his daughters. What sad state we are in these that people act like this is a terrible thing!!!
    My dad would stay up with us during sleepovers, and yes he would talk to my bff about things she couldn't talk about with her parents. She came from a terrible home life, and my parents kind of adopted her as their own, to THIS day, well into our twenties, when she is having a difficult time, she well drive to our state and talk to my dad about what she should do.
    I think it sounds like your husband is a wonderful father, as was mine.
    sliceoflife88

    Answer by sliceoflife88 at 8:30 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • It's great that she felt comfortable enough to share w/ him. Maybe she doesnt have a good relationship w/ her own dad. If it's something that needs addressed by her own parents, he may have to break her confidence. Otherwise, it's good for her to have a positive male role model in her life to confide in.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:54 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Perfectly appropriate! It's sad that in America a dad taking interest in his daughter's life, and her friends lives can be misconstrued as anything else! Your husband is obviously an involved father, and that's wonderful. I don't see anything wrong with it personally. America seems to think that any man who talks to a girl younger than him that isn't their child is a pedophile, which obviously just isn't true! Kudos to your husband for talking to the girl.
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 7:57 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • If I were the mother of the other girl or girls, I would have felt more comfortable if you were present. A girl that age can misconstrue attention by an older man. It is important to keep it in control and your presence would have done this.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:00 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • I agree with tootoo, keeping a presence is important, mainly for the protection of your DH. Girls that age can be difficult. At the same time, this girl might not have a daddy, or any other male role model to talk to, so it may have made a world of difference in her life. If you had popped into the room several times, I think it would have been best for all involved.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 7:12 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • If the friend felt comfortable talking to DH then I dont see an issue with it.
    momto3infl

    Answer by momto3infl at 11:52 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Oh, and none of my friends EVER had crushes on my father, this is seriously weird that this is where peoples minds go!!!! EEK!
    sliceoflife88

    Answer by sliceoflife88 at 8:31 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Not okay!! I totally disagree with Annabel. While it's true, a father taking an interest in his daughter is admirable, this crosses the line. A grown man staying up all night giggling with teen aged girls is not okay. How would you feel if your daughter spend the night at a friends house and you found out afterward that she stayed up all night alone with the girl's father? Just chatting and "bonding"? Wouldn't you be uncomfortable with that? This is beyond just "taking an interest" and if he does just want to show support and interest - he should be doing it during daylight ours like a normal human being and keeping his appropriate distance at night.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:15 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • For your husband's protection it would have been good for you to be there. Girls that age can be fickle and it could quickly turn ugly for your husband - which would have a very negative effect for your daughter too. My hubby learned this the hard way. About 10 years ago we were youth leaders of a church and one of the girls had major family issues and really felt comfortable talking with hubby. We didn't think anything of if - until it was too late and she had started a bunch of nasty lies. It was a really bad situation, and later we learned she had said the same things about the pastor and the previous youth leader. It devastated my husband, but thankfully our kids were young enough to to realize what was going on. We left the church, but from what I heard the girl made similar statements about 7 other men in the church before anything was said to her family.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:28 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • I am in no way judging your hubby- please dont take it that way.
    But in my life any time a male grown up stayed up with us girls . IT NEVER turned out good or was really "in good intentions"..

    Because of my past, Id be upset if I found out my dd stayed up late with another dad chatting.. And I may re-think her going back over there for overnights, or at least make it clear to my daughter Id rather her not be up late with males- of any age-. ..

    If your dd was up with them, and it was a group thing that would be fine... But knowing as each child went to sleep your hubby stayed around was not "appropriate" once they started nodding off maybe he could have left..especially once his daughter was asleep. cause there is no reason for him to bond like that with other girls.. :)

    Also- you dont know how much the GIRL "enjoyed" the male attention. Girls get crushes pretty easy on men that show them attention.
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 11:55 AM on Sep. 6, 2010

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