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So sick of this....

I am so sick of my step sons bio mother. She recently is TRYING to get back into his life after being gone for months. We have no idea where she went. She never called to see how he was or anything. She does this ALL OF THE TIME. The longest she left for was 8 months last year without a word from her. Then she comes back begging to see him. She gets him for a night then she is good to not see him for 3-8 months again. HE IS HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED every time she does this. My husband lets her in his life because she promises to be consistant in his life then up and disappears out of the blue sky. She is trying to get him tomorrow and we dont know what to do. We are filing papers next monday with a lawyer to get her to give up rights but I dont think she will just to be a bitch. She already gave up her daughter recently from another relationship but wont give up her son too. What to say? Do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Oct. 13, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Well, if she would stay gone for a year then the dad could file abandonment charges against her and that would be the final issue. Tough situation. It's not fair to the child at all. She seems to be a flake and unpredictable. I would not doubt that a judge would rule against her if brought to court. Or he would at least set "rules" and she would have to follow them or lose rights all together. I wish you guys the best. Sounds like you and your DH are just trying to protect the child. I would do the same.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 6:32 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • its not really your business, its the bio dads.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I disagree with PP. It is your business if youre married to the child's father. Anyways, I think seeking legal advice is best. I can't imagine what the poor little boy must be going through :-( Let the mom know what you're going to do though. She may not be mature but she's still an adult and needs to be dealt with like one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Okay, then continued....
    My husband is sick of it even more than I am. I never said I was going to say anything to her. He is at a loss of words and I am too. He is the one wanting to sever rights. How is it none of my business as his wife and as the woman who IS RAISING HIS SON?!?!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Thank you second post! At least someone understands.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I have to say dont listen to the first person! It is your business when you have to be his only mother! I mean if she was in his life all the time then its your job to step back but since shes not then it is your business! Im going through this with my daughters stepmother! Its crazy! Its hard but talk to your lawyer to find out what is best! My daughter father left her for a year no calls nothing and still gets to see her! I hate it! she hates going there! I would love to talk to you more about this! I think we have alot to talk about! Just talk to you lawyer and write everything doen. When she calls or sees him EVERYTHING GOOD LUCK!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Do not let her take him over night. Have your husband tell her that she can come to your house and visit with him for a few hours, but that you are not going to let her take him over night until you can be sure she is going to be consistent with him, and thus far she hasn't been. But I do not agree with the first answer, you absolutely have a right to be involved, you've been the one mothering him right? I was in the same exact situation with my SS when me and my hubby first got together, and you can bet your butt I had plenty to say and said it! I was raising him and helping to support him, she had nothing to do with him.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 6:50 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • i understand but it isnt your child it is hers and yes she is stupid but he is hers NOT yours
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • If he lives in your home then it's your business. Watch a young boy being torn apart and confused like that is the business of anyone with a heart. Her behavior is the type that causes personality disorders later in life in these children. That certainly is your business. I didn't read how old he is and if he is old enough so you can explain to him this is her pattern of behavior and NOT about him then ask him if he wants to go. Sometimes these young children try to become caregivers for parents who (like her) can't be a responsible parent. That's a lot of pressure on a child. Does she drink or do drugs? Personally, I'd say no. I'd let her come visit in my home but not take him. I'd get her ass in court as quickly as possible and tell the judge what's up. This is doing harm to that child. I vote "no" don't let her take him but if he wants, she can visit.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:18 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • How can someone be so ignorant to say that child is not the op?? Maybe she didn't actually birth the child, but who the hell is raising him??!! Not bio momma!
    That being said, bio mom needs to get her shit together before she's allowed to see the kid again. What good does it do the child in the situation to have her in and out of his life at her whim? You are doing the right thing by talking to a lawyer and trying to have her sever all rights. It sounds like you guys have given her more than enough chances to make things right and she still doesn't get it. You don't sign up to be a mom for a day, it's a lifetime.
    michelle121003

    Answer by michelle121003 at 7:34 PM on Oct. 13, 2008