i'm planning on adopting and i'd like an open adoption. my question is, how much info is too much? i'd like the birth parents to be involved in as much as possible. and i think they should be recognized as the parents that they are-i'd like to send them mother's day and father's day cards, and invite them to christmas dinner with them. if they are stable, i'd like to be involved in our child to know that he had two biological parents that loved him enough to give him to a family that wanted him so badly. but would this be painful for the birth parents?
Answer by frogdawg at 10:54 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
Answer by catngabsmom at 2:24 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
Answer by DancinBear63 at 4:52 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
As a birth mother I would say the more contact the better. Here's where I want to caution you. Do not promise more than you are 100% certain you can deliver. Often it's not the lack of contact, but the broken promises that hurt the most. Even if a birth mother has only been promised bi-annual letters, if she doesn't get them it seems like a betrayal and a slap in the face. Start off by promising what you are sure of, then you can add, and subsequently subtract if it doesn't work out, on top of that. Never say "it's up to you" or "whatever you want", be specific when making your agreement. Be clear that she knows open adoption does not mean co-parenting.
Answer by onethentwins at 5:49 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
Answer by sati769leigh at 2:34 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:13 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
Answer by surfcitymom at 9:31 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
Answer by frogdawg at 10:46 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
an easy road to navigate. You may be the parent of her child but you are not best buds. Maybe one day, if that is what you both want, but reality is you probably won't be best friends. More likely, if you both work at it, you can come to a place of mutual respect based on the fact you both love that child. I don't love that adoption specialists try to sell you "open" adoptions (both adoptive parents and the family of origin) but don't really talk about what that looks like a year later, five years later, or when communication may be off. They do not really tell you about how you might not hear from someone for a couple of years and then......suddenly they are back. If I could give advice to perspective adoptive parents: sit down, in person, with other adoptive families who have open adoptions and see what their reality looks like. If you can talk to birth parents that would be great too.
Answer by frogdawg at 10:51 PM on Sep. 6, 2010
Answer by lilmoosesmom at 2:30 PM on Sep. 6, 2010