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My friends son has Autism...and I have a couple questions about still letting him be a normal teen age boy.

I dont understand Autism, so please do not reply with ignorant answers. My best friends son has a form of autism that isnt really bad but still effects some things in his life. He has a short attention span, is very loud at times, hyper, and doesnt like a lot of things such as the feeling of sand on his feet, water on his legs, certain foods, etc. Now he appears to be a normal teen age boy except for the fact that he has a lot of likes and dislikes. My friend and I were talking about chores. I asked her why she doesnt make her son do anything. She doesnt even ask him to take out the trash. Now like I said I dont know about this, so is that ok in your eyes? Shouldnt she still try to make him do some of the same things other teens are supposed to do? Do some moms take this as they are handicap and use that as a excuse? I dont know, I am just wondering. I feel independence would be good for him. What do you think?

 
bellamommyof4

Asked by bellamommyof4 at 2:59 PM on Sep. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • Not only will he not become independent if she doesn't require him to develop life skills, he will also come to think he is entitled to go through life having others do for him.
    yoliplus6

    Answer by yoliplus6 at 3:10 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Honeslty she is doing him NO favors by not giving him the responsabilities a young man would normally have at his age. Having an autism spectrum disorder at his level should not mean FREE RIDE. There might be chores that would be better left to someone else without the sensory issues certainly. But he should be learning life skills . he isnt going to live with his parents forever.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 3:02 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • She absolutely should be requiring him to do some of the same things other people his age do .... he needs to learn to become independent in many areas of life, and cannot do that if completely sheltered from life experiences, even the every day and the mundane chores.
    findingharmony

    Answer by findingharmony at 3:02 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • My son is six has Asperger's which is a form of high functioning Autism and he cleaned his room all by himself for the first time today. It was a HUGE ordeal to get him to do it and it entailed several melt-downs but it was done. Why? Because he still needs to learn responsibility and independence.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:06 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • The first two posters have it just right ... and good for you But Mommie, for helping your son learn what he has to know to be successful!
    3boysandmekmcd

    Answer by 3boysandmekmcd at 3:08 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Its hard to say. My good friends son gets obsessed about things. So its possible that a chore like... that lets say... wiping down the kitchen counters, would send him into a tizzy everytime his mom tried to cook dinner. He wouldn't be able to handle seeing it getting dirty. I can't say that this is how your firends son would be, but its possible there are some issues going on that would make some chores difficult. Does he pick up his own things? My friends son is OBSESSED with order and things being in a straight line and has to have a place for every single thing he owns.
    karamille

    Answer by karamille at 3:05 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • The reason it's called "The Spectrum" is that no 2 children with Autism are the same. I'm sure his team has a behavior plan in place that is addressing his progress with ADL's.
    Rushing a child like this will usually cause a setback that will be difficult to recover from.
    Let the experts make these decisions!
    FeelinYummy

    Answer by FeelinYummy at 3:10 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Shouldnt she still try to make him do some of the same things other teens are supposed to do? Yes
    Do some moms take this as they are handicap and use that as a excuse? Yes, and this further handicaps the child

    Ever hear that people will rise to meet expectations? Even when they are very low? If she has low expectations and therefore does not have him learn how to do what he'll need to do in live, he won't learn it.
    snivic

    Answer by snivic at 3:13 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • There are some sties that might give you a better understanding ;)
    http://www.autismspeaks.org/
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 3:04 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Thats what I thought, but I dont know how to say it to her. I would think she just knows. My two boys that are teens have chores. Not to much but they are to do things around here. I know having autism sets some limits, but I would think that he could at least clean his own room and take out the trash to the back yard.
    bellamommyof4

    Comment by bellamommyof4 (original poster) at 3:12 PM on Sep. 6, 2010