Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is life really hard after divorce? I think I'm staying in this marriage because I'm scared I can't make it on my own.....I have 2 small children 1 &3 yrs. old....I'm just not in love with my husband anymore, I want to be happy, in love with someone, there has to be more than this...Thank you for any advice

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Sep. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • if we all felt like just leaving whenever we feld out of love, there would be no sanctuaty of marriages anymore, marriage is a job, work at it, dont give it up. you made a promise. us woman usually have to be the first ones to make a move and try to make things work, thats just a fact. do what you have to do, when your heart absolutely feels tired and cant go on, then ok, its time to move on, but if you have to post a question b/c you are not sure, sounds to me like there is still work that can be done to save the marriage.
    gemini415

    Answer by gemini415 at 1:00 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Harder in some ways, better in others ...
    snivic

    Answer by snivic at 3:54 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • I've been married for more than 45 years. It is unrealistic to expect that you will always feel like you did when you were first married. There will be those moments, but they are rare. Marriage is more about what you give than what you get. The surprising thing about that is that the more you give, the more you do to make your husband's life wonderful, the happier and the more in love you feel. Also, our feelings follow our thoughts. When you were newly wed, you spent a lot of time thinking about your husband. Now you have children to think about, and you don't spend nearly as much time looking forward to his coming home and of just spending time with him. Change the way you think, and you will also change the way you feel. Pledge to yourself to do something special for your husband every single day that says to him how much you love him, and you will find your feelings will change, too.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:01 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • My life was definitely harder, and definitely better - but I stayed until I was sure it wouldn't work. I would look into marriage counseling before doing anything. It's really hard to maintain that "in love" feeling when you have small kids in the house - it takes work!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:56 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • TO be honest. marriage is not always about BEING IN LOVE. the intensity of the emotions can wax and wane in a marriage specually during times of high stress, say with 2 small kids now in the picture. You made a committment to be married , you owe it to yourself, him, and your children to do everything you can to try and work on this relationship. Unless he is abusive of course. We dont all stay "IN LOVE" with that rush of hazy emotional responses. But we do LOVE our spouses . though there are days even weeks i could happily drop mine off a cliff. sigh. Honey unless he is abusing you, cant you go to marriage counceling together. arrange date nights where you can be MAN AND WOMAN instead of parents fora little while and get in touch with the reasons you fell in love and got married to begin with.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 3:59 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • How long have you been married? the first 5 yrs are the hardest and if your looking for that being in love feeling well in every relationship it will go away and come back. Marriage is a lifelong rollercoaster. Sometimes though we must leave due to abuse and that is what it was for me that first time around.
    Here is what I know...I have been divorced and it was hard but it was me and there was no bs of a relationship. however because I was a single parent and always struggleing there was never any money to set aside for college or anything, it was a constant struggle between what was most important to buy at the time, milk or bread? then there is the problems of visits and dealing with the dad and his new women and lifestyle. I have nothing to show for the last 41 yrs because it was always a struggle a struggle that was mine alone, no support.. yet women my age who stayed married no matter what, have everything.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 4:02 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • Marriages all hit rough patches! I have been married 17 years!! We had hard times and good times! We stuck together and got through it!!! All people go through periods where they r not sure if they r in love!!!! They know they love each other,but u get into that comfortable place where u know what the other is thinking or going to say!!!! How long have u been married??? The first 5 r the hardest,u r both adjusting to each others habits,likes and dislikes and of course the moods!!!! Marriage is not easy,The preacher,priest,or who ever married u does say,"It is not to be entered into lightly". U took serious vows!!! It seems some people would rather run then honor their vows!!! Stay and try date nights,or someone can take the kids for a night and u two can go to a hotel. U need to work hard at a marriage for it to be happy and successful!!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 4:12 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • 25 years here. There were many times I thought I wasn't in love with my husband anymore, and I'm sure he felt the same way. That's not a reason to divorce in my opinion. It was easy to blame him for my unhappiness at times but the reality was that it was easier to blame him than it was to admit my own faults. Marriage is not always easy and there will be disappointments but we were committed to make it work and I am more in love with him than I ever could have imagined. That feeling of being in love that first draws you to your spouse is fleeting ... it changes over the years ... it has to. If you're feeling that loss and hoping to find it in another man, you're just setting yourself up for a lifetime of repeat disappointment. You need to take a cold hard look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself about what it is you want and what's driving your thinking. Therapy or counseling may help. Good luck.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 4:23 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • I have been married twice... I married my first husband because I was young and dumb.... I left his butt 3 yrs later... I was NOT in love with him... I am now happily married to a wonderful man whom I AM in love with.. we have been married going on 18 yrs... there was times, he made me mad.. but I was still in love with him.... so I feel if you DO NOT love him.... then why be miserable.... your kids are young enough that it will not be a huge problem..take a deep breath and do what YOU feel YOU have to do to be HAPPY!
    MzGeorgiaPeach

    Answer by MzGeorgiaPeach at 5:20 PM on Sep. 6, 2010

  • I stayed in my marriage because I've seen so many blended families. The children go to different places for holidays. I didn't want to ever have to see my son leave MY FAMILY for Christmas, or Halloween. I think it would be nice to not live your life in regret of being in love with someone as opposed to tolerating someone else's son (your husband).
    FateoftheGodz

    Answer by FateoftheGodz at 7:30 PM on Sep. 6, 2010