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Can they really change?

Can a man who was extremely emotionally abusive and cruel to one woman, change for another? Can he still be abusive and manipulative to an ex (a woman who wants nothing to do with him but he still tries to manipulate) and then treat his current woman like a queen? I left him and want nothing to do with him. Why does he try to be so mean, manipulative and controlling to me. I want nothing to do with him. He has someone, he seems happy, why won't he stop trying to contol me, especially since I'm the mother of his child? I'm confused, I don't want him, why won't he stop being so controlling and manipulative?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Oct. 13, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • You have to stand up to him, don't let him control you or manipulate you. Tell him he has no right to even attempt to control you. Tell him you have absolutely nothing to say to him unless it is about you child. If he says something rude to you, just laugh and walk away or hang up the phone. Don't let him have this power over you. As for him changing and treating the new woman good, I wouldn't count on that...he may for awhile, but his true nature will come out. He hasn't changed at all if he is still doing this to you. Bad thing is if you put him in his place and end his control over you, he'll be looking for someone else to control to feed his lame ego...and that will most likely be his new woman. I think every one who is going to marry a man that has been married before should talk to his ex wife, and get the "real" story!

    Answer by robinann5 at 11:46 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • my dad treated my mom like shit, they got a divorce and now he and his new girlfriend are great together and hes nice. And yes my dad is still rude and manipulative to my mom even know their divorced, you just got to let it go and ignore him, dont let him see u get upset and he'll probably leave you alone and if he dosent then avoid him as much as possible.

    Answer by DanielleStover1 at 8:17 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • oh and my dad does it pretty much just to piss my mom off and to make him feel better about himself who knows.

    Answer by DanielleStover1 at 8:18 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Because he is insecure...and wants to feel that power he gets from controlling you. It's annoying, and frustrating, but hopefully if you tell him to ****OFF a couple times, and not let him control or manipulate you, he'll get the hint. And from my experience, they don't change, they treat them like gold at first, it'll wear off...Best Wishes:)

    Answer by mama14572 at 8:19 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • idont know if it wears off cause my dad's been with his girlfriend for 2 years or so.

    Answer by DanielleStover1 at 8:23 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • NO once an unimaginable bastard always an unimaginable bastard

    Answer by salexander at 8:31 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • they dont change my mom last bf was very abusive, finally her so called friend took him from her and she has worse than my mom ever thought having. she is treated like a prisoner has to sllep on the floor if she calls her kids is called a whore and has to sleep outside if another guy looks at her and other stuff that is a little to graphic to mention here. just be careful kids learn what they live, i suggest you get counsling for yourself and hope he doesnt rub off on your child(ren)

    Answer by bonnie-jo at 8:35 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • no they will not change without professional help. He will show his true color with her. He will continue with you if you allow it

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:46 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • You just said the words, Iam the mother of his child. So, he thinks he has to control you because you are the mother of his child. Get it HIS child. No, I really don't think that they can change unless it is in their heart to change, and most men can't admit guilt. I think if it is deep within their heart, maybe they can, but very rarely do I see it happen. I don't understand why they have too much pride to say they are wrong when they are wrong. Nope, I don't think they can change unless they have God there to instill it in the deepest part of their heart.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Girl, he does that because he can! You are the place where he can make himself feel more powerful. Don't give him the satisfaction. You really don't have to talk to him at all, other than communicating something about the kids. My Ex was similar to that. I discussed drop off and pick up time only. It just has to be that way with some people. Don't worry about the new woman, she will probably go through the same thing eventually, if not already. People like that don't change much. That's his comfort zone, being with someone he can bully.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 11:21 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

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