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3 Bumps

Is my Daughter a Lesbian????

Last year I found a note between my Daughter and her "Best Friend". I'm no idiot and figured out quickly what they were saying. That they were lesbians!!! I confronted them both (kind of blew up/freaked out) and demanded to know why. They explained to Me that it was just something that they labeled themselves as, that they had never acted on it and that no one else knew. So I chalked it up to them being weird and that's just what kids are doing now, like It's "Cool to be Gay" etc... I noticed they arent talking anymore and came across an email that my DD wrote to this girl and it was very clear that I am not mistaken. When I asked her about it she said that she's not a lesbian anymore, however she is confused. What do I do now? I'm lost here. I don't know if I can accept this or not. FYI she's 16. Please no haters. I'm not bashing Gay's here I'm just trying to figure it all out.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (13)
  • In my opinion, she's experimenting. There is plenty of time for her to decide what she is, I wouldn't worry about it right now. She's still very young and teenagers change their minds about everything at the drop of a hat anyway, especially girls. So, I'd just let it go and let her develop on her own. Be there to support her no matter what she decides, and don't ever make her feel bad about how she feels. The more open you are with her, the more open she'll be with you in the long run, and she'll need a supportive parent to talk to about things.

    Answer by kathria at 1:04 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • she's probably not going to be honest with you until she's sure you won't be upset if she tells you she is one. if she is. at that age, she could be trying to sort all her feelings out herself, and not really know what to tell you when you ask. or, she could be gay and hiding it.

    Answer by catharsis at 1:06 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • No matter if she's straight, bi, or lesbian, she's still your daughter, still the same person she's always been. In the end, it won't matter if you can't accept it; she can't change who she is, and if you alienate her she'll feel ashamed of herself and your relationship will suffer. This is coming from someone who has been there for a lot of friends who have come out to their parents. It went well for some, not for others, even worse for one...just be there for her, don't try to force it out of her, she'll come to her own conclusion and let you know when she's ready.

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 1:06 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • She's probably just curious of different sexes. When you're truly lesbian or gay, you don't just "change" overnight.

    You need to support her regardless of what she becomes. I don't understand parents that are afraid of the sexuality of their kids. It kind of sounds like you are. Accept your child in ANY way, shape or form that they are.

    When my DD gets older and starts growing interest in other people, I will have a open door policy with her. She will never have to hide her feelings.


    Answer by Glamourina at 1:09 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • I don't think you should do anything. What she is going through is probably very sensitive and she just needs to figure this out. I think right now you are looking for an explanation or whatever and there is nothing she can give you. She is probably trying to figure out how she feels and doesn't need you looking for her to explain her sexuality. Just give her time.

    Answer by Keyonsmom at 1:15 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Between 16 and 18 I played with this idea a lot. I even kissed a few girls to see what it feels like. I was doing it more because it turned the guys on and I was really after the guys not the girls. Anyways, it turned out that girls do not turn me on, so I left it at that and married a guy and have two kids now at 31, but sometimes I still think about women, not sexually though. I love looking at good looking women (on the internet) because I can barely see any in real life.

    Answer by glenndoir at 1:26 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • well unless you are going to disown her you dont have much choice but to come to terms with it. its her life, not yours. you dont have to live in her skin. so let it go. you love HER. her sexuality has nothing to do with it

    Answer by sati769leigh at 6:31 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • it isn't your business anyway, really. No more than she can stop you from being straight

    Answer by Zoeyis at 8:36 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • she may be confused, she may be bi or straight. just let her know you love and support her no matter what and that she can come to you with anything.

    Answer by sherryb1273 at 9:07 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • All you can do is let her know that she can come to you regardless and that you'll love her no matter what. Beyond that, there isn't anything you can do. If she is, she is... There's not changing that. And as for the "Why", Can you answer WHY you're not gay? It's not something like that, it's not something you choose to be or not. Chances are at this age she's stuck between what she is feeling and trying to live up to what everyone wants her to be. I have always been more attracted to women sexually than to men, but relationship wise I prefer men... HS was hard because I refused to deny what I was simply because others may not like it. I am and always have been open about my Bisexuality. In HS that caused issues because at that age it's "cool" for OTHERS to be gay, but it's not seen as cool when someone thinks there's a gay chick in the locker room or bathroom with them... Chances are she's trying to find her way.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 4:46 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

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