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3 Bumps

What should I do now?

The man I've been with for 9yrs & have 4 kids with has become an abusive drunk. The verbal abuse is constant, & the physical abuse (mostly choking) didn't exactly just start, but he always used being dunk & blacking out as an excuse. This last time he was totally sober, just days after ruining our vacation by getting drunk & kicked out of an amusement park. By 5:30am when me and all 4 of my kids got home with all the luggage, he (having gone to off to catch an earlier bus) was already here and STILL drinking. I told him then I didn't want to be with him anymore & he couldn't drink in this house anymore! Soon he was drunk again having lied (and made my 7yr old LIE) to his family just 4 $ to drink. I came in 1 night & he choked me for going out with my girlfriend. I couldn't talk for 2 days. I got a restraining order, he's been evicted. Court date in 2 days. Never thought it would come 2 this. Doubting myself a little now...

 
Dmommy4

Asked by Dmommy4 at 2:55 AM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (315 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Girl you did the right thing!!! I cannot tell you enough that what you did is the absolute best decision of your life and your childrens lifes! I grew up with a very abusive step-father and I hated that my mom would always take him back. He finacially supported us so she "needed" him. When I turned 16 I kicked him out and told him that alchohol wasnt allowed in our home and I would call the police on him often. I wish my mom had the balls to do the same and lost a lot of respect for her, NOW I know that she was a victim too and she just wanted to provide for us. Go to court fight for your piece of happyness and for the honor of your children. They will respect that in you and you ARE doing the right thing. Its interesting how much we let the people that are most closest to us get away with. Like just because we love them, that its ok and all forgiven. No, no one ESPECIALLY your husband should ever treat you like that. bless u!
    cynthiaesquivel

    Answer by cynthiaesquivel at 4:02 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Follow through with court! Girl.... Kids learn from their parents more than you may think! Being in an abusive relationship, and staying in that relationship only teaches your children that if you make a mistake and end up with an abusive person that you have to stay with that person no matter what because in your kids minds, that is what a person deserves... and they dont! Their mother doesnt deserve that and neither do they, ever! I would totally follow through with your court and get him away from you and those kids! Good luck!
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 3:00 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • omgosh! I'm sorry you had to go through this but it's obvious he needs help and he needs to be away from you. He cannot continue to treat you like this and you do not need the abuse at all. You deserve better. It is not your fault he cannot control himself, and you cannot play nurse, you are his wife and mother of his children and he needs to and should respect you. You are a very strong woman, you do not need to deal with this, he knows before he drinks what can happen but he still does it, no one puts that drink in his hand and your children do not need to be around that. I admire you! Get away from him for the sake of your life and your children's life's. Good luck.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 3:07 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • I understand totally and can sympathize(sp?). My SO was an alcoholic when we met and became friends 4 years ago and still an alcoholic when we became a couple 3 years ago, and still an alcoholic when WE became parents 2 years ago and surprise, he's still an alcoholic to this very day! We have had a physical fight or two over those few years and I have a list of resentments which are always foremost in my thoughts and I will not let them go EVER!!!! In fact I refuse to ever have sex with him again until the source of my major resentment is dead or I have proof that it is gone from my life FOREVER. I hate dogs and he chose to get a puppy about a year and a half ago while he was drunk knowing full well how much I hated the useless pieces of shit! Sorry, I went off subject. I say go to ur court date and tell the truth and go from there. Good luck!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 3:13 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Hugs! You did the right thing! He has NO RIGHT to put his hands on you and choke you and he has NO RIGHT to be verbally abusive either. You do not need to be treated like that, and your kids do not need to be around that whole situation either. Follow thru with the court date, tell the court your story and what life is like with him. Stand firm and let him know it is over, you and the kids are moving on with your lives. I wish you and your kids luck, best wishes and happiness for a life without abuse.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:59 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Be strong, and follow through. Kudos to you for having the strength to put him out. You absoulty did the best thing you could do.
    EttaMay

    Answer by EttaMay at 10:38 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • follow through stay strong and remember all the reasons why you're doing it for yourself and for your kids!
    mom2eas

    Answer by mom2eas at 11:20 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

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