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how do I get my two older boys to stop or slow down on the fighting?

when they are around each other all they want to do is fight. They can''t seem to find a middle ground at anytime. I have tried taking things away, time outs, no tv etc and nothing works. I have even tried sitting down and talking to them nice to try to find out what is going on and then 10 minutes later they are back at it again. I need help!

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littlebits149

Asked by littlebits149 at 11:45 AM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • this is what my dad made my sister and i do when we would fight...

    he would tell us we would have to kiss and make up.. we were grossed out by the thought and after having to actually do it once..we rarely fought. tell them the new rule..enforce it one time..and you will see results. (just make them hug and kiss on the cheeks..lol)
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:47 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • do they have their own rooms, or do they share? How old are they? Different factors could effect the fighting. Maybe they need more time away from eachother. Maybe fighting is their way of showing affection for eachother. Good luck!
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 11:47 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • My sons went through a phase like this. They're hormonal little beasts at that age, not pleasant reasonable people. They're siblings, they're going to fight. Mine?
    When they got going too bad, I would tell them to move it to the front yard and I'd sell tickets to a butt-kicking. With my boys, a touch of humor diffused the situation. Usually one of them would declare that they'd kick the other's butt and I'd tell them "no, it's the two of you against me, I'm gonna kick your butts if you don't settle down and I'm gonna sell tickets to all your friends". They'd know they hit my limit for tolerating the bickering then, and would spend the rest of the day reminding each other "if we don't stop, Mom's gonna kick our butts!" in loud whispers.
    missingruth

    Answer by missingruth at 11:50 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • My oldest are 9 and 10 and sometimes they are great pals and some times they are at each other's throats. I have worked with them on conflict resolution skills because those do not come naturally to people. So I will remind them to use their conflict resolution skills (lowering voices, making a compromise, etc). If they are still having trouble, I tell them to give each other their space and find separate things to do. If they continue to get in each other's space and fight after I have told them to separate, I find them separate things to do in the form of chores. If they STILL insist on bugging each other, I ban them from playing together for some specified period of time (the rest of the morning/afternoon/day etc) and there is an additional consequence if they go anywhere near each other. It is amazing how much they want to play with each other when they are not allowed to.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:55 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • sadly thats what brothers do. They fight and argue alot
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 11:56 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • My sister and I fought like crazy growing up...sometimes into knock down, drag out fights. Finally my mom and dad had enough...they handcuffed us together (thanks to my brother and his cops and robbers set)..It started out as 4 hours. If we fought we had another 2 hours added. We ended up handcuffed for 26 hours, we had to do everything together, eat, use the restroom, chores, sleep. It sucked. But it worked. Every time we started fighting after that my parents would ask us if we wanted to be cuffed together again. We stopped immediately. Good Luck!!!
    tginn20

    Answer by tginn20 at 11:57 AM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Thanks! I thought all of the responces were amazing!!!! I am going to try them all. Maybe all together! Na just kiddin!! Thanks.
    littlebits149

    Comment by littlebits149 (original poster) at 12:36 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • OMG, Ruth, I am so totally cracking up at your response. After meeting you and your kids last weekend, it's just such a funny picture - little you, stepping between those two 6 foot boys and offering them a butt-kicking - and threatening to sell tickets to their friends? priceless! I LOVE IT!
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 10:34 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

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