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Is inconsistency bad for a child?

I have a question and I am having a personal struggle over this. The father of my child has court ordered visitation on Monday and Tuesday with out daughter. He keeps changing his story as to why his days have to change. Now here is my reasoning for not wanting days to change. Am I being unreasonable?

-First our daughter. I believe she needs consistency and stability in her life. If Mondays and Tuesdays are her days with Dad I believe it should be a consistent thing. Not randomly changing it on her. The situation is already confusing to her and I believe she needs as much stability as is possible.

-then my mom watches her while I am at work and plans her schedule around his days sometimes months in advance (doctors appts for ex). He needs to take into consideration the other parties daily lives.

-she'll be going into and actual daycare part time and will have specific days/friends etc. Its not healthy to constantly change

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (8)
  • well if mondays and tuesdays are such a struggle for him, then maybe he should have the 2 days changed permanently. i agree with you that it's too much for him to be changing it every week

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 12:54 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • I think you're right, yur daughter deserves to have continuity with her dad. If had a legit reason for changing days on the odd occasion such as illness maybe then fine but I would expect him to keep to the same days each week for her benefit and to change his life around her. I would stand your ground.

    Answer by MeAndLo at 12:56 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • It is hard and yes it should be consistant but you both need to sit and discuss it and if you can't do that then let a friend or family member of your discuss it.

    See his reasoning is it going to be all the time, everything is not perfect so you want to make sure you can both adjust the time for your daughter, and explain to her sometimes things do change but for good reason and we must work around it.

    You sound like a wonderful mom!!!! Remember the child will be happy whether it monday, tuesday, wed. as long as she sees her dad, if he can't for a good reason work together. :)

    Answer by KFree907 at 1:00 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • children definitely need consistency and stability to grow up secure.

    Answer by wendy46121 at 1:12 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • No, not like you are describing. I believe they need consistency in discipline and such, but not so much that the days have to be specific. Really, nothing in life is that consistent anyway.


    Answer by m-avi at 1:15 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • well are is work days off different...I agree with m-avi. I believe consitantancy as far as schedules, discipline, bed times,wtc. Not so much with the days.

    Answer by hill2 at 1:17 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • As you put it, the situation is already confusing enough as it is. He should adhere to his schedule in order to make things easy on his child. If those days aren't working for him, you should work out with him which days are best for him so he's more likely to stick with it.

    Answer by arouthier at 1:51 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • You are absolutely correct in your feelings on the matter. I would feel the same way. Its confusing enough as it is, without changing the days on her and confusing her more. Her daddy days should stay the same. I agree with whoever said of those days dont work for him then he should have them changed to other days permanently.

    Answer by Rosesandlilys at 2:16 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

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