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What to do, need opinions on dificult matter.

Just a bit of background so you can know where I am coming from:

I'm a single mother of 3 kids under 6 of who I have 'jount' custody of, but have full 'physical' custody of and the ex lives about 1000 miles away. I am going to school and when I have enough credits in about 6 months will be joining the Marines. After training, I'd be back home for at least a year in the Reserves before being allowed on active duty.

What I thought was going to happen (what was talked about and planed) , was the kids where going to stay with my dad and step-mom and they would still go and visit their dad as usaul and even more often then they have been. I should mention that this was volintears on their part, I would have never even thought of asking.
Continue next post......


Asked by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Oct. 13, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • You have to do what is best for your kids, I think it's wonderful that you are trying to give your kids a better life and if people don't agree with your choices then that's their problem. I would talk to your dad again and tell him how your feeling and if he refuses to help out then maybe staying with their father would be the best thing, but you need to make sure that he knows that he is getting temporary physical custody and i would go back to court to make it legal that way when you are done with your training you will have no problems getting your kids back.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 6:22 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Well, now that it is coming down to it, what 'wasn't going to be a problem' has become one, and, AGAIN, now that I will actually be starting school for the 3rd or so try, they don't want to quite go through with it. But I can't back out yet again, I just can't. I believe this is way too importaint of an example to my kids. As it is, they have to very poor examples to look at while growing up. For reasons well beyond my control (namely thanks to the person I am supposed to call 'mother') and a not so great marrage, I don't have anything to show for except for having 3 kids and a failed attept to make our lives work. And their father is... well, the most pathetic being on the face of the earth and is too busy looking to The End to bother being alive.
    continue next post.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • have spent the what seems like forever trying to get a job but no one will even call me back and tried some (surprise!) bad wark-at-home deals. I am truly at my witt's end at what to do to make everything meet. Between bad credit due to, eh-HEM, a certain someone, and lack of work history because I stayed at home with the kids, and now the given very bad economy and available work, I've lost hope at getting a job, particularly with my limited availability. With a lack of family willing to watch kids and no friends to help out, I just don't know what to do anymore.
    continue next post.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • I am very much leaning toward giving the kids back to the ex, at least he has job and I won't have to worry about whether or not I can keep a house for them to live in, I mean, at least I can live in the car or a shelter if need be. Anymore, I think they would be much better off there with him than with me, at least he has a steady job. I have become so... dark I guess the word would be and am always so upset and angry and frustrated anymore and find myself always yelling and screaming which I hate myself for. I REFUSE to turn into my mother to my kids and would rather die than be so. He is incapable of being anything other than gentle, honestly, he doesn't posess the balls to be anything else. And every thing else ends up being the same for the kids either here or there. 1 parent, 2 grandparents, other equal family members (his actually being more inclined to be helpful), he has the house.
    continue next post......

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • And yet I am being told what a bad mistake it would be for me to have them stay with him, but I think what is best for the kids are so much more inportant that me. The problem is that I don't have any friends (never have any free time to go out and make some, so yea, that makes me go even crazier) to bounce any of this off of. So, any opinions? Which should I do, choice one that I probably won't survive? Or choice two that I will no doubt regret? Don't get me wrong, I love my children fiercely, and am way too over protective of them and this is such a hard thing to face. I'm just not so sure I am the best person for them anymore.
    I know this isn't very well written and is a bit scattered, hopefully you can get the gist of what I am trying to say.
    End of post....

    Sorry it too so many to get it all on here!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • If it were ME- because I would do anything to keep my kids with me, I would get help with daycare, go to school in my area to improve my work skills and get a job where I live. There would be a cold day in hell before I would give my kids up for the Marines!!!!!! I don't care if it were the 3rd try or the 30th try. I would RAISE my kids- NO ONE else!
    What were your plans to do with the kids once you go on active duty? Still leave them with your parents? I'm sorry to say- well no not really- but expecting your parents to care for 3 small children is asking a LOT of them! No wonder they turned it down.
    You say their dad is a deadbeat but yet you want to give your kids to him? Doesn't sound normal to me.

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 12:00 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • can you do it on a temporary basis with the father? do you two get along for the most part (as well as an ex can LOL) If you get along and you trust him, I would have a contract drawn up that states that this arrangement is only temporary until you are done with your service.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Have you looked into government help? It sounds like you have the intellect, the motivation, and the passion to really turn things around for your kids. See if you can get some help.

    As for a good example, it sounds like you are doing your best and your kids will see that.

    Good luck to you!

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 2:15 AM on Oct. 14, 2008