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How do I motivate my 18 year old to begin adulthood?

My husband and I have discussed the teens these days and it seems like they are content to not move forward. Graduating this past spring, I want to encourage my daughter and her fiance to move forward, get jobs, etc. But when I ask her about it she says I'm being judgmental. Any suggestions?

 
carol2m2

Asked by carol2m2 at 3:43 PM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 18 (4,954 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My parents, after we graduated, made us pay rent (just like $50). Also we were allowed to eat meals/snacks that they provided, but if we wanted food other than what she was making we had to buy our own - had my own shelf for my food that they weren't allowed to eat - but I wasn't allowed to just raid the other cupboards/fridge whenever I wanted to. Finally we had to follow the same rules as always - curfew, leaving the number where I'd be, etc. My husband's family did the same - and guess what - by the end of that summer we both moved out! It was hard and we learned some hard lessons about life, but we're better for it and we'll be doing the same thing with our kids when they get older. Parents these days are making it too easy for kids to stay at home.
    Hausermom

    Answer by Hausermom at 3:51 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Maybe its time to raise your expectations. If she graduated this past spring, what is she still doing in your house if she isn't in school or working/paying rent?
    karamille

    Answer by karamille at 3:46 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Kick her butt to the curb.....no more free loading. She has to get a job or be enrolled in school!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:26 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • She's only saying that to make you back off. You are "mom". You're supposed to be judgemental and pushy. She wont care for it now, but she'll thank you later.
    an-apple-a-day

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 3:45 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Yep.. Sometimes we don't give choices. Sometimes we have to be tough. Dead lines work the best. You are not being " Judgmental" You are being a parent. The one thing i learned, is the more we allow, they more they take. Tell them to go out and get a job and get their own place if they don't have one. She can pay to start to pay her bills. But if you choose to let her stay at home, charge her rent. Alot of parents do that. Why should you have to pay for things that she can do her self??? Dead line.
    Airforce3mom

    Answer by Airforce3mom at 3:48 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • make her pay you rent and buy her own food...
    pinkdena

    Answer by pinkdena at 3:49 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Easy...start treating her like an adult. Stop being "Mommy" and make her do her own laundry, pay for her own gas, cook her own meals. The longer you make it "easy" on her, the longer she will mooch off you
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 3:51 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Make conditions of living there. No cable, no phone, no laundry, no cleaning, no nothing. She has to do it herself or she needs to llive by your terms. If she doesn't like it she can move. As long as it's there for her she won't get it for herself...
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 4:29 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • My 18-yr-old threw out "I don't want to live your life!" last night. She's so much fun!
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:39 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • I really feel better after hearing your comments, thanks all!!
    carol2m2

    Comment by carol2m2 (original poster) at 11:45 PM on Sep. 7, 2010