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What do you do when your son and fiance just don't get along.

My son and fiance do not get a long for various reasons but in the long run I am accussed of taking sides. How does one handle the situation?

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Asked by Kitia_03 at 4:24 PM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (48 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • They need to iron out there problems before getting married or the marriage won't last long. Make them aware of the situation where they can see for themselves there are problems they need to work on before they get married.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 4:27 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to step back and look back at your relationship with your fiance as your relationship with your son should come first.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:32 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • They need to work through through their problems, you really can't put yourself in the middle and fix their issues for them.
    I suggest like the previous posters, that the marriage should be put on hold until this is resolved. Being married certainly won't make it better, and it fact can make it worse for all three of you.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:37 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Have your tried family counseling? If you are affiliated with a church, sometimes they will do family counseling for free. Good Luck to you!

    Answer by MomIWant at 7:53 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • If they can't get along, they probably never will. What would you do if your son said, "It's either him or me!" Who would you chose? The only side that should matter is your son's. You are his mother, and he needs to know that you are there for him.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:22 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Stay as neutral as possible while not alienating either of them, especially your son. It may be hard, but you have to, for everyone's sake.

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 9:34 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • You have a number one priority to your son until he's out on his own. Try counseling but if they still don't get along, you may have to end the relationship.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:45 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • No, the only side that matters is absolutely not the child's. Outside of abuse, children should not be making their parents decisions for them. Your son needs to know that you make the choices as to who you bring into your life, that he doesn't always have to like those decisions but that he does have to respect them. That his acting out will not change your mind.

    Answer by justnancyb at 3:55 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Thank you ladies for your comments.I just needed a little more support. I knew I wasn't wrong for putting my son first. I've made it very clear to my son that I love him and care for him very much. He knows and understands that my main priority is him and his two sisters. I've relayed this same message to my fiance. He's walking on egg shells and has made a promise to do better. He knows me and knows that just saying it doesn't mean a thing to me so right about now he knows that in order for me to marry him he has to get his act together.

    Comment by Kitia_03 (original poster) at 4:00 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I think you have handled this perfectly. Now stick by your word and you can help them by staying neutral and objective while making sure your son knows you have his allegiance.

    Answer by Radarma at 12:45 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

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